We Loved to Fly…

Nothing like a Facebook status update to completely get my ire up. It read: “Upgraded to First Class. Yay! Crying baby onboard. Boo!”  Then this: “I am prone to headaches and that baby isn’t going to help.” 

Realllllyyyyy?????  Listen, I can tell you this as a fact:The mother of that crying baby has a headache, too. And if she knew that she was causing a frequent-flying saleswoman who got a free upgrade to First Class a headache, I bet she would feel really awful.  I mean, she probably would choose to never fly again so as not to create any unnecessary headaches. Because we all know, the ONLY thing that causes a headache when traveling is a baby (ick! Even the thought turns my stomach. Babies!  How terrible!)

Everything else about traveling is peachy-keen: the long lines, getting patted down at security because you wore your good bra because you didn’t want to look like a schlumpy mother, and the taking off and putting on of your shoes, the crowded overhead storage, the lack of personal space, the selection of indigestibles at the airport food court.  Food should not be served in a court.  Basketball and volleyball are played by sweaty athletes on a court.  I can’t think of a less appetizing environment to acquire the meal that will take me from LAX to Belfast than a court.

No, the flying experience is just dandy.  The large, sweaty drunk man beside me that is snoring and drooling in between asking for more drinks, yeah that’s the kind of travel that brings me peace and tranquility.  Ahhhhhh….not a baby in sight.

As a mother of two young sons, I am well aware that a large segment of our society hates to see kids on planes.  I have been subject to their glares, their sighs and eye-rolls.  I have been that mother on the plane with the out-of-control 1 1/2 year old.  And let me tell you, it sucked.  Big time.  I wanted to buy everyone around me a round of drinks, give them all noise-cancelling earphones, and free iPads.

But now I’m the mother of a 4 year old and a 7 year old who behave beautifullly on planes.  We’ve flown all over the country and internationally, as well.  You know how they got to be such great fliers?  Practice!  That’s right.  No kid is born with the inherent ability to behave in a situation he/shae has never experienced.  Well, practice and some screens. Don’t let the media fool you.  Video games do not rot kids’ brains, at least not on a 14 hour flight across the Atlantic. I’m sure the same researchers that love to bag on gaming devices probably change their tune real quick when they are seated next to a fidgety preschooler on a long flight with an insane delay on the tarmac.

My favorite part of traveling with my kids is at the end of the flight, when they stand up and get their backpacks on, the passengers and even the most jaded flight attendants comment, “Wow, your kids are so well behaved. I can’t believe it.” Well, believe it sister.  It was not easy to train my kids to behave well on flights.  But I did it.

But this time, dear First Class traveler with a headache, I’m going to do you a favor.  Instead of taking the short 3 hour flight from Los Angeles to Houston, we’re going to drive.  I would rather spend 26 hours driving across the desert in a van with my kids than spend a minute on a plane with ignorant numbnuts.  And, as an added bonus to you, by taking my well-behaved, well-traveled kids off that flight, I have freed up 4 seats for a woman with amped up triplets.  You’re welcome!

This post was originally published on Stacie’s KidKit World column “Seriously Funny“. For more from Stacie, click here

Image via www.jetwithkids.com