Every pregnancy is different they say. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “Oh my 2nd was a breeze, yours will be too”. That’s what I looked forward to. My first pregnancy wasn’t bad but I had to have a C-section so the dread of having another one played through my head. To anyone that thinks a C-section is a walk in the park is greatly mistaken! Any who, my husband and I wanted this, we wanted another baby, we wanted Sophia to have a sibling.
After 6 months of trying I almost threw in the towel. You never really realize how hard it is to try to make a baby (spoiler alert, our first was a surprise) until you actually try to make one. Then came the “Pregnant” Clear Blue Easy stick and we were on cloud nine. Until I had my first appointment…
You think you’ve prepared yourself for everything; you go in thinking you’ll get a picture of your little nugget and be on your way, if you’re lucky maybe you’ll get to hear the heartbeat.
The technician asked me about a million times how far along I thought I was, 12 weeks I said, 12, I counted back, yup 12. This wasn’t my first rodeo so I had the date thing down. She leaves, in comes the doctor. The next few minutes were a blur, I was in and out of the conversation, tears were streaming down my eyes. “There’s an egg Carmen, but there’s no baby” Huh? What? What did she mean no baby??? 12 weeks, 12 weeks I said, I counted back again, 12 weeks I wept. How can this happen?
We (I, my husband, my doctor and another doctor) discussed my options; the egg had to come out so I finally decided on some pills that would allow me to miscarry. I took a couple of days off, my sister and best friend were by my side while I had to go through this. I just remember crying, the whole day. We tried, we tried and wanted this baby so bad and now here I was waiting to pass this little empty egg. I don’t think I ever held my 3 year old any tighter than I did that day. My husband and I decided we were done trying. This was way too hard for me and I knew I couldn’t go through it again.
2 weeks passed, I had to go in for my follow up appointment. Ultra sound done, waiting for the doctor to come and just praying that I was done with this place for a while. She walks in and grabs my hand… all I can think now is “oh shit, what did she find? Oh no something else is wrong now!!!” I look up at her and she says “Carmen, I don’t know how, I have no way to explain this, but there’s a baby. There is a baby in you right now.” I just stared at her blankly, tears streaming down my face. I said “there’s a baby? What? There’s a baby?” She went on to explain what they thought had happened but at that moment I didn’t care, there was a baby, my baby was there, alive. I just dropped to my knees and whispered Thank You!
I spent the next 8 months practically living at my doctor’s office, and a specialist, to make sure that my baby girls was doing ok. On June 3rd little Miss Juliana came in to the world, as perfect and healthy as can be. Everything that we had gone through seemed like a distant memory as soon as I heard her cry and held her in my arms…
They say your 2nd isn’t like your first… man were they right!