The Wrath Of The Mean, Rotten Mommy

My daughter and I have a running joke where I’ll say “good thing I love mean rotten kids!” and she’ll reply “good thing I love mean rotten Mommies!” I usually say this when the two kiddos are giving me a hard time, partly to try to lighten the mood and partly to point out that they should stop giving me a hard time. Last week, though, I really was feeling this; I was afraid Mean Rotten Mommy had come to stay.

Clearly I am not the only one…if any of you were out shopping the Black Friday events, you’ll know what I mean. I did not shop on Friday except online, but my friends and the news alike had story after story of people acting insane and being rude, just to save a few dollars. Even before that, I was out picking up a few things for Thanksgiving and had some parking lot crazy swoop in and take the rockstar parking spot I’d been waiting patiently for, blinker on.

This is where Mean Rotten Mommy showed up. I’m not proud, y’all…and here’s what I did.

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When the cow in the Cadillac took my parking spot, I first thought “Ok, clearly she didn’t see me.” Then, she looked up and smirked (perhaps it was a smile, but we’re going with smirk for effect). At the smirk, I thought “OH HELLZ NO” and pulled right up behind her car, which was happily parked in MY SPOT. I did – I pulled up and sat there and waited for her to get out. And of course, she didn’t. FOR TEN MINUTES. When she did get out, she walked around the front of the car and continued to ignore me.

I should stop here and state for the record that this woman was in her late 50’s / early 60’s, and I really should have just let it go. Maybe she really didn’t see me…maybe she was having a bad day and thought “I deserve this parking space, patiently-waiting-person be damned.” So I did what any normal woman scorned would do: I found another parking space, went into the store, and stalked every aisle until I found her, trying to complete the story. Did I intend to speak to her? Nah. Would I have spoken if she had caught my eye in the parking lot? Probably not, but I sure was mad…at this stage, I was trying to rationalize why I should not be mad.

Did you see the crazy? Where I started talking to myself about why I shouldn’t be so mad, but I was still so mad? Yep, there she is. Mean Rotten Mommy.

READ MORE: HOW TO STOP YELLING AT YOUR KIDS

So I continued thinking, “Maybe she’s all alone and is buying a high-end pot pie for Thanksgiving. You should feel sorry for her, you have so many blessings.” Nope – big ol’ bauble-ey ring, grocery cart full of turkey and trimmings…next idea, MRM. I literally followed her through the store until she was done, unbeknownst to her, and tried to make myself see logic. It only partly worked, and I left feeling still a bit pissy, and now mildly neurotic.

Not a good start to the holiday season, which is why I didn’t shop on Black Friday. And it only gets worse from here…isn’t this the season of giving? Shouldn’t we all be feeling fortunate, full of goodness and light? Do I need to be meaner on a daily basis so it doesn’t come spilling out into the parking lot, vented at some 60-something woman who was (theoretically, but I’m still suspicious) minding her own business?

All I have to say is, Heaven help us get through December. And now I’ll be researching a good therapist.

This post was originally featured on Kristen Bagwell’s blog. Featured image via.