The Purse Police

How many times do you hear someone say “I love your purse!”? Maybe not often because your purse is strictly functional, or because you have the one purse a year rule. Whatever, you know what I’m saying! Most women I know own purses, purses, and more purses. The connection to your purse can be anywhere from convenience and need, to sheer joy when strapping it across your body. Some people even enjoy the smell of a new purse (not naming any names). Take a whiff – Ahhh heaven! While I know that I shouldn’t have an attachment to an item, I just love getting a new purse, or even purse window shopping, and dreaming about what I’d put in the purse that I will one day treat myself to. Maybe!

A few years ago I walked away from my purse at a grocery store, and one of the employees told me “Watch your purse!” I guess people were just stealing purses right out of carts. I now feel that it is my responsibility to humanity to save the day and be the Purse Police. Maybe it was because I was inspired by the movie Pay It Forward or maybe it’s because of my secret wish to be a super hero. Either way I am starting to feel obligated. When I see a woman walk away from her purse, or a guy from his satchel or murse, I literally feel like John Quiñones from the TV Show “What Would You Do?” is watching me from a hidden camera, and he’s going to pop out at any moment and interrogate me if I don’t save the day. I hope that I’d make him proud!

It’s just a violation when someone steals from you, and after reading Elizabeth Jayne Liu’s “To the Person Who Stole My Gordita Fund”, I will continue my crusade to prevent crime. Most people are grateful when I say “watch your purse.” A woman actually told me that she keeps getting her purse stolen, but is so bad about it that she continues to walk away from it. As she talked to me, and I learned all of the sorted details of the past 47 years of her life my duties as Purse Police were nagging at me. She was standing very far from her purse. I kept an eye on her purse as she spoke, and as I found a moment of silence to interrupt and repeat gently “watch your purse!” I secretly wished for her to find a very fancy fanny pack that she couldn’t live without, and went back on patrol to prevent more misdemeanor purse thievery.

Maybe I watch too many crime shows but I once had a woman look at me like I was doing something wrong. She looked at me as if I was up to no good like I was actually creating a diversion by winning her trust and “casin,” her expensive bag. Uh, excuse me ma’am the last time I checked I am the purse police, and I am here to serve and protect. I assure you that I haven’t gone rogue. Maybe she was defensive because she was carrying illegal substances in her purse, or a detonator disguised as a lipstick. I don’t know. See, I watch way too much TV! Somebody stop me!

How do purse snatchers pin point the right purses to steal? Is it the luck of the draw? Hit or miss? I mean is it the nicer the purse the better the contents? I don’t know, I’ve never met a purse snatcher! Didn’t anyone ever tell them don’t judge a purse by the cover? Oh, and that a life of crime was probably not the best idea for their life path? Just saying!

Am I a little bit super hero or am I meddling? What would you do?

Oh and PS: “Watch your purse!”