I’m done walking into my mommy friend’s houses, only to have them instantly apologize for the state of their house. I feel silly when I have to console my mommy friend about how her house looks. To me it looks real, lived in, loved, and has an untold story.

Here is our love seat, also known as my clean laundry holder. The top picture is what the couch looks like when I finally get all of the clothes “put away” (you will see what I mean by “put away” in a few moments). It looked this way for 2 hours before……

Four loads of clean laundry made their way from the laundry room to the couch. I got most of the clothes separated and put away……

In the mesh laundry baskets in each bedroom. From there, they’ll get put away in dressers and closets as soon as I make time, which will mean missing sleep or not playing a game with my kids or skipping a bedtime story.

Oh, and when I do fold and put away the clothes, they all get dragged back out the minute I say “go find a shirt to wear” in the morning.

This is the scene under said love seat. Books, play food, cat toys, a sucked on Skittle, a dried up fruit snack, and school papers from last school year greeted me when I moved the sofa. I cleaned up and saved our other sofa for another night.

Maybe a black t.v. console wasn’t the best idea with three kids and two white cats around. The last time this got dusted….well, I spare you all that shock. But I do know I handed the kids rags and told them to wipe anything they could touch. Therefore, I blame this dust build up on my two year old.

Wipe any surface in my house (other than the kitchen counters and table we eat at–those get cleaned quite frequently) and this is the result.

None of our beds have bed skirts on them (you’ve also discovered my stash of wrapping paper and our cat hiding from me) anymore. Bed skirts around here are taken off and used to make forts, play hide n’ seek, or roll up a little brother. The last time I caught a glimpse of my bed skirt was as I checked on the kids in the backyard and realized it was being used as a roof for a cube climber fort.

Toys in the dishwasher is a common sight…..at least those are clean!

Embrace your mess, moms. Embrace every crumb. Every ball of dirt that doesn’t get cleaned up. Embrace your mommyhood.

This is what a real mom looks like at the end of the day:

Please note the sweaty forehead, no make up on the face, as I quench my thirst and regain my adult mental state with a beer as I hold my two year old who won’t go to sleep because she wants to try to “poop on potty” and watch “Elmo’s Potty Time.”

This is a real house being kept by a real mom with a real family. Life is grand.

This post was originally featured on Ashlen’s blog. Photo via

Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you probably have neighbors.*

*If you live in the middle of nowhere, are you looking to sell to a brilliantly hilarious blogger?

I’ve lived in many places over the years and have encountered several different kinds of neighbors. From apartments to condos to houses, one thing is constant: Neighbors are fricking weird.

Granted, every now and then you’ll get lucky enough to live next to someone who doesn’t do yoga in the nude with the windows open, but that’s not always the case.

(A note to my neighbors: allow me to apologize for my downward dog position sans pants. If you don’t like it, buy me curtains.)

Because I like to think my blog provides a public service to all of you, I’ve compiled a list of the different types of neighbors.

Perhaps you have one of these, or perhaps you are one of these.

If you’re the kind of neighbor who likes to bake things, allow me to quote Mr. Rogers and ask “Won’t you be my neighbor?” (Only without all the creepy old man in a sweater stuff.)

The Dog Lady: You’re pretty sure she’s operating a kennel and the amount of poo coming from that house could fertilize the lawns of the entire subdivision.

The Grouch: A real-life version of Oscar the Grouch, but without the trash can.

The Constant Gardener: (Not like the movie.) Everyone (or just you) pick(s) flowers from her garden daily and she rarely notices.

The Baker: She loves baking sweets and you let her make snacks for your kids’ school and your office parties.

The Gossip: There’s no need for tabloids. Just ask her.

The Nosy Neighbor: If you can’t remember what you had for breakfast, she can tell you.

The Trusty One: You have her house key…and so does everyone else.

The Hoarder: It’s a garage sale everyday!

The Strutter: She prances around the neighborhood in her tight shorts…in December.

The Old Chain Smoker: The amount of smoke coming from his house causes a weekly call to the fire station.

The Friendly Waver: Her arms are toned from her greetings to every passerby.

Maybe you’ve found your neighbor in the group, or maybe you’ve located yourself among this list. As far as my neighborhood goes, I’m the Grouch and the Crazy Dog Lady.

I’m cool with it though.

This post was originally featured on Lisa’s blog. Photo via

I recently fired our cleaning service. I know, I’m impressed with myself too. Who knew I would ever have a cleaning service?

When I was younger I WAS the cleaning service, which is all the more reason I never thought I would hire a cleaning service.

Either way, I decided to let them go. I found myself cleaning up after them, which defeats the purpose entirely. I already clean up after my husband and three dogs, so why throw another entity into the equation?

The problem with firing your cleaning service? Someone has to do the cleaning. Despite my wishes, they didn’t continue to come because they like me and my dogs.

In fact, I suspect I was charged extra because of those furry creatures.

Now that I don’t have a weekly service, I’ve started to notice some signs that my house needs to be cleaned. Because I’m good to you, I thought I’d share with you some of those signs so you can know if you need to get that Roomba out and get your teenagers to cleaning.

1.) You start writing your grocery list on the kitchen table in dust.

2.) It’s been so long since you cleaned that you forgot where you keep the products.

3.) You can no longer blame poor visibility out the windows on “just another foggy day”

4.) You’re able to make a snack from crumbs found in the couch cushions.

5.) You can’t remember what color the bathroom grout is supposed be, but you don’t think it’s gray

6.) Even the dog thinks the floor is too dirty to lay on.

7.) You’ve switched to paper plates to avoid emptying the dishwasher

8.) Your children name the dust bunnies and make them pets

If you have any of these signs, you probably need to clean your house. If not, then you probably need to come to my house and get to cleaning.

Oh, and bring Lemon Pledge.

Originally posted at Lisa’s blog, LisaNewlin.com. Photo via

Explore the funny side of DIY.

1. Turn plain kitchen towels into ones whose pun game is on point. 

Turn plain kitchen towels into ones whose pun game is on point.
 Learn how here.

2. Cut detergent bottles and milk jugs in half to make faux animal head taxidermy.

Cut detergent bottles and milk jugs in half to make faux animal head taxidermy.

You can use common household items (like hangers, gloves, and even a sanitary napkin) to make the eyes, ears, and horns.

3. All you need is a Sharpie to turn a plain light switch cover into a super clever one.

All you need is a Sharpie to turn a plain light switch cover into a super clever one.

4. Dress up a plain coffee mug so that it’s as sassy as you feel.

Dress up a plain coffee mug so that it's as sassy as you feel.

Find a good tutorial full of tips and tricks for making Sharpie mugs here.

5. Create a bookmark that will never fail to make you smile.

Create a bookmark that will never fail to make you smile.

Four easy steps: 1.) Have a photo shoot, 2.) Cut your child out of the photo, 3.) Laminate it, 4.) Attach the string!

6. Discover your index finger’s inner super hero.

Discover your index finger's inner super hero.

Learn how to make DIY superhero finger puppets here.

7. Know what’s funny? Turning your family into dancing cutouts.

Know what's funny? Turning your family into dancing cutouts.

Learn how here.

8. Doll parts and a piece of wood are all you need to make a hilarious (and slightly disturbing) coat rack.

Doll parts and a piece of wood are all you need to make a hilarious (and slightly disturbing) coat rack.

Find the tutorial here.

9. Crack yourself up by drawing faces onto this wallpaper full of googly eyes.

Crack yourself up by drawing faces onto this wallpaper full of googly eyes.

Order the wallpaper here.

10. Why wear boring slippers when you can wear funny ones?

Why wear boring slippers when you can wear funny ones?

Dun dun dun dun dun dun… Download the crochet pattern for $4.00 here.

11. A couple spoons and a frame are all you need to make your life partner laugh on your anniversary.

A couple spoons and a frame are all you need to make your life partner laugh on your anniversary.
Find the how-to here.

12. Trap your kids inside the soap dispenser.

Trap your kids inside the soap dispenser.

Just laminate a photo of your kid and slip it into the bottle.

13. You can also transform a bottle of Jack into a soap dispenser that is guaranteed to amuse.

You can also transform a bottle of Jack into a soap dispenser that is guaranteed to amuse.

14. Trick your friends with a “faked potato” made from nylons and pillow batting.

Trick your friends with a "faked potato" made from nylons and pillow batting.
Find the tutorial here.

15. Crochet a camera buddy with bulging eyes that will keep your kids laughing during photo shoots.

Crotchet a camera buddy with bulging eyes that will keep your kids laughing during photo shoots.

Dowload the pattern here for $3.99.

16. Men don’t always notice a woman’s shoes, but they’ll notice these.

Men don't always notice a woman's shoes, but they'll notice these.

The trick is to leave the original heels attached. The creator of these shoes drilled a hole through the dinosaurs for the heels to go through, then secured them with crazy glue.

17. It’ll only take a couple minutes to ensure you giggle every time you charge your phone.

18. Your kid probably won’t find this very funny, but you will.

Your kid probably won't find this very funny, but you will.

“Like sands through the hour glass…” Find the how-to here.

19. Got some empty plastic water bottles around? Recycle them into these sumo bowling pins.

Got some empty plastic water bottles around? Recycle them into these sumo bowling pins.

Find the tutorial here.

20. You could also commit a crime against denim by turning a pair of jeans into a flower pot.

You could also commit a crime against denim by turning a pair of jeans into a flower pot.

In all honesty, that pair of jeans has probably seen worse days.

21. It only takes a few alterations to a tennis ball to make this funny fellow.

It only takes a few alterations to a tennis ball to make this funny fellow.

You can make the “mouth” with a box cutter, and use rivets for the eyes. Another (easier) option for the eyes would be to glue on googly eyes.

22. And lastly this DIY is perfect for the extremely lazy (or extremely busy) around the holidays.

And lastly this DIY is perfect for the extremely lazy (or extremely busy) around the holidays.

This post was originally published on Buzzfeed

Dear Guest,

We are delighted to host you for dinner tonight! Before you come in, though, there are a few things that you should know. Ten things, actually.

1. I have been cleaning all day. This is as good as it gets. (I know, it’s hard for me to believe, too.)

2. I have not showered today. It was the house or me, and the house won.

3. Please, keep your shoes on. While the kids I worked very hard to pick up ALL of the Legos, there are probably a few blocks of torture around that you may step on.

4. I JUST had the carpet cleaned. Alas, you will probably notice that we already have a few stains… chocolate milk, red Slurpee, and the one that I hope and pray is not poop. So, the pressure’s off! If your kid spills something, don’t sweat it.

5. If you have small children, you should be aware of the following choking hazards that will likely be found:
Lego mini figure heads
Coins
Snacks of all kinds (raisins, pretzels, goldfish, you name it)
6. While I do appreciate that you have prepared brussel sprouts for this potluck, my kids probably won’t eat them. Please, don’t be offended.

7. While we have spoken with our children at length about this behavior, one of our kids will probably take his clothes off at some point. If you notice this before us, please let us know so we may rectify “the situation.”

8. You probably already know that we have three boys. As such, our house is filled with constant activity and noise. Feel free to join in on the sword fights, nerf gun battles, couch cushion fort building, etc.

9. We have two little chickens that we love. While I did sweep the patio before your arrival, that is usually the cue for the chickens to poop on it all the more. Kind of like a baby with a clean diaper. (Another reason to keep your shoes on.)

10. You will most likely be using our boys’ bathroom this evening. Try as I might, it always smells like urine. On second thought, why don’t you just use our bathroom instead?

Again, we could not be more excited that you will be joining us tonight. If you keep these things in mind, we should have a great time!

Good luck!
Jennifer Sando

Originally posted at Jennifer’s blog.