Not too long ago, a fellow writer wrote a beautiful, touching piece called, “Today, Mommy is Sad.” It made me tear up because it took me back to the time when I was pregnant for the second time and struggling to deal with my conflicting emotions.

Today is a different story.

So, I’m writing a letter to my 3-year-old girl, in the hopes that I can come clean about my behavior today.

Today, Mommy is an asshole.

Mommy woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, sweetie. She’s really, really tired, and actually having trouble remembering her own name right now. If you have to ask several times for breakfast, it’s not because Mommy doesn’t love or care for you, it’s because she’s having trouble thinking straight.

Maybe it’s because baby C decided that 2am was a good time to wake for the day, and it took 90 minutes to convince him to fall back asleep. While she was trying/not trying to doze off on the couch during that time, Mommy got a bad crick her neck which undid all the relaxation that her wonderful massage created, yesterday. Oh well, $100 down the tube.

Or perhaps it’s because, when baby C started babbling in his crib and wouldn’t fall back asleep, your Daddy just flopped over and snored even louder. Mommy knows it’s her turn to get up, but she’s allowed to resent it anyway, right?

Mommy is really sorry that every answer to every question you ask right now is colored with sarcasm.

No, Mommy doesn’t mean it when she says that Halloween is never coming again. She’s just unreasonably ticked off that she has to answer this question in April. No, Mommy doesn’t mean it when she answers, “to Hell in a hand basket” when you ask her where you are going today for the 46th time. What she really means is that she has no good answer. What she really means is that she feels like an asshole for NOT wanting to take you anywhere, today.

Today, Mommy is a giant asshole.

Mommy is so fucking tired and no amount of coffee seems to be helping. Today, it may seem like you’ll be sitting in front of the television for longer than is appropriate. Yes, of course that’s exciting for you but it’s a shitty Mom crutch that she will feel guilty about for the rest of the week.

Mommy also may not have the energy to fight you on having Goldfish crackers and apple sauce for lunch today, either. At least there’s some fruit in the equation. Whatever. You can add another notch to the Mommy Guilt Belt.

Mommy’s voice may sound strained when she asks you to stop yelling your play-by-play of whatever show you’re watching from the next room while she tries to get your baby brother to nap. She wants you to know, though, that she realizes how thin her patience is today. She just can’t seem to help it. So she’s being an asshole.

There are a few things that Mommy should admit to, that she may not have been totally honest about today. First, your paint set isn’t at Grandma and Grandpa’s. Mommy just doesn’t want to have to set up all those paints, watch you completely soak through a single sheet of paper with seven layers of paint, and then move on to the next thing, leaving her to clean up.

Yep. Asshole.

Also, regarding your favorite battery-operated, noise-making, headache-inducing toy: it’s not broken. Mommy took the batteries out, because yes, she is an asshole today. That horrific tiny voice that sings your ABC song off-key will one day cause Mommy to gouge her eyes out with a fork. But today will not be that day.

Today is not a proud-parenting day. Nothing Pinterest-worthy is going to be created. Mommy may turn her head and roll her eyes when you ask to watch another episode of Caillou. She may put her hand in her pocket and give you the finger when you insist that 5 Goldfish crackers actually add up to 4. But she knows that she’s being the asshole, and not you.

Mommy truly loves you to pieces.

And she will try to do better tomorrow.

~g

This article was originally published on Glynis’s blog, Little Assholes. Featured image via. 

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Our oldest is 17 years old which means that it’s been 18 years since I’ve had a decent night’s sleep.

I miss sleep.

I covet sleep.

I am starting to wonder if all those times when I was partying in my 20’s and laughed saying, “Hah! I’ll sleep when I’m dead!” is coming back to haunt me. I swear to God it is. Because I’m really starting to buy into the thought that when that time comes, it may be the next good, solid sleep I have.

I have a vague recollection (sleep deprivation and pre-menopause prevents any clear memories) of the things that kept me awake at night when the girls were babies and toddlers. It all seems so simple compared to what keeps me awake at night now.

Some are oddly similar no matter the years between. Let’s compare different scenarios (that may or may not have actually happened):

Younger Years:

Freaking out because they lost their favorite “lovey”, toy, or blankie.

Teen Years: 

Freaking out because they lost all their texts when they accidentally synched their phone back to factory settings.

Younger Years:

Staying up to finish gluing 100 “whatevers” onto cardboard to celebrate the 100th day of school.

Teen Years:

Staying up to bumble-f your way thru PhotoShop to make a SnapChat GeoFilter for the teen’s school.

Younger Years:

Stayed up till’ 10 when they were at a sleep-over just to be sure you didn’t have to go get them.

Teen Years:

Stay up all night when they’re at a party just to be sure you don’t have to go get them.

Younger Years:

Stay up because you have to produce enough cookies for the Holiday/Winter Party

Teen Years:

Stay up late because someone volunteered to bring beignets to French class but then forgot they had a French exam to study for and can’t make it themselves.

Younger Years:

Midnight run to Walgreen’s for Vicks Cool Mist vaporizer and cough drops

Teen Years:

Midnight run to Walgreen’s for tampons, Midol and medicinal chocolate

Younger Years:

Stay up all night listening to them cry during the “cry it out phase”

Teen Years:

Stay up all night listening to them cry over a broken heart

The biggest problem that I have is that our bedtimes are flip-flopping. Whereas they used to go to bed at 8 and I stayed up till’ 12, now I’m wishing I could go to bed at 8 and they’re staying up till’ 12. I used to insist on having at least one hour of “no kid awake time” in my life until a couple of summers ago when I realized I would probably kill myself trying to keep that pattern up.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mind staying up with them. I mean, I’ve been doing it for 17 years so what’s another few years added on? I also fully realize that my time left in this job is short, so while I may joke around about it, it’s nice to still be needed. Even if it is just for a tampon run.

So until the time comes again, I’ll dream about sleep and love the nights I get when all is well with the teen world.

This article was originally published on Kristin Daukas’s blog, Four Hens and a Rooster. Featured image via.

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It’s the bane of every mother’s existence: trying to get your kid to go to sleep on time.

If you’re riding that struggle bus every night and you’re ready to get off, here are 8 ways to trick your kid into getting in that damn bed of theirs.

1. Tell them you’re going to Disneyland the next day.

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This is the harshest of the 8, but hopefully you’re kids are too young to be emotionally scarred for life. When they ask you the next morning when you’re leaving, just tell them they dreamt it.

2. Let them stuff their faces with candy.

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Then watch gleefully as the Sugarpocalypse hits and they crash faster than you ever thought possible.

3. Tell them if they go to sleep, they’ll wake up and animals will be able to speak.

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Every kid wants to be able to talk to animals, right? Plant this little seed in their imaginative head and they’ll be sure to snooze it up.

4. Tell them if Captain America can sleep, so can they.

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Sure, Captain America was technically frozen for decades, but that can be considered sleeping right? If Captain America can catch some z’s, so can your kid.

5. Let them run around in the backyard to their heart’s delight.


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Letting them get rid of all that pent up energy will hopefully lead them to clonk out easily.

6. Pretend you can’t hear them when they ask to stay up late.

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Kids don’t understand how hearing works, right? Just simply pretend you can’t hear them until they stop asking you and eventually grow so frustrated they have no choice but to fall asleep! A win for everyone.

7. Your favorite TV character is waiting for you in your dreams.

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This isn’t technically lying – who’s to say their favorite cartoon character or TV character won’t make an appearance? In fact, they’re probably more likely to know that you’ve put the idea in their head! You’re a genius parent and deserve much praise.

8. Fake a power outage.

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Okay, hear us out: if you fake a power outage and turn off all the lights, you’re kid is already going to be used to the darkness. Right? Then they’ll just fall asleep like it’s nothing. We stand behind this clearly full proof plan!

Eight. That’s how many years of post-secondary education Michelle had. For 8 years she had studied, working towards a career. She looked toward a bright future with many years of satisfying field work and a handsome income. When her studies were over, she started looking at the world around her, and especially the women. They were busy, overworked, tired, frustrated, but oddly content. Not one of them regretted their career path. Quite the opposite – they claimed to be happy! After carefully studying their lives, interviewing them, questioning their decisions, Michelle opted to follow their lead and changed her plans for the future.

With this new goal in her crosshairs, she studied, planned, and diligently worked toward it. She took classes, failed test after test, and tried harder. She read all she could, jumped through many hoops, applied dozens of times, and faced repeated rejections with renewed resolve and determination. At last, Michelle had achieved what she had set out to do, and was prepared for a long, satisfying career.

She was shocked when she found out the truth! Little did she know that she would:

-Be working 7 days per week
-Have no medical or dental benefits
-Get no coffee or lunch breaks
-Have no sick days or vacation days
-Not have a pension plan
-Not get paid regularly
-Remain at work with no opportunities to leave unescorted

These were not the worst of it. She complained to friends about:

-Having feces thrown at her
-Being screamed at
-Having her work criticized
-Being physically beaten
-Often working through the night
-Being monitored in the washroom
-Losing touch with the world
-Little job satisfaction
-Feeling unappreciated and unfulfilled
-Being unable to finish a task without interruption

Unable to quit despite these conditions and no compensation other than room and board, Michelle tried to make the best of it for 9 years. When she told others in the same position, they tilted their heads, nodded, and felt sorry for her. They did the same job for the same pay, but they got breaks. If they were sick or took a vacation day, they were able to call in a replacement worker who would cover for them. Or their own family would step up and help – parents, siblings, etc.

Michelle could not imagine this luxury – she couldn’t imagine being allowed to leave work for a few hours at a time. No, there was no point in even wishing for such things. While these things beat her down, what stung the most was the judgement from others who were NOT in the same position. If she dared mention the hardship, she was greeted with a shrug and a “you chose it, deal with it.”

At last, after 9 years, Michelle finally has some relief. She is no longer dealing with feces or working through the night. While the meagre compensation hasn’t changed, her hours have decreased. She has gone down to part-time, and now enjoys doing things outside of work. She has rekindled old friendships, started new hobbies, and is contemplating a change in careers. Perhaps one with a paycheck is a good place to start.

Who goes from a full-time job to a part-time job without a change in pay rate?

Unpaid stay-at-home parents who finally have all their kids in school.

GUEST BLOGGER: Anne Bruin

Anne BruFelicity Huffman's What the Flicka-Anne Bruinin is a 49 year old mother of a 9 year old daughter and a 5 year old transgendered son. She lives in Vancouver, with her husband who owns his own business. They are on the poor side of life but always looking on the bright side!

Featured image via.

One of the joys of being a mother is watching your children discover things that they love. For this little baby boy, his true passion in life is reading.

Look at that expression of pure joy! He’s so happy, and loves listening to his mom read to him!

The happiness is short-lived however. For most of us, we feel a bit of sadness after finishing a really good book. This little fella becomes distraught.

The sheer anxiety! The sadness! The poor little guy! He just loves books so much. Seriously, he can’t keep it together that the story is over.

The little face plant of emotion! Ugh, we’ve all been there. Poor guy! We love his passion for reading and stories, though. Keep on loving books, little man!

We were hardcore sympathizing with this mom at the beginning of the video, and by the end… well, you’ll have to see for yourself.

Every morning, after her baby daughter has woken up to eat, Texas mom Esther Anderson brings the little one into bed with her to take a nap. But she’s come to realize that co-sleeping can mean no sleeping when you’ve got a “baby alarm clock.”

Anderson documented those shared naps on her camera phone to illustrate what she means.

This post was originally featured at The Huffington Post