At no matter what stage in life, texting a person you’re interested in can be stressful. But according to Cosmopolitan’s recent video, little girls have some of the most honest advice. If you’re a mom who is navigating the dating world, try asking your kid for some advice. We think the answers will make you laugh as hard as this video made us laugh. 

Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka-Texting Advice

The most pertinent of questions, obviously.

Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka-Texting Advice

And the most brutal of answers.

Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka-Texting Advice

Ahhh, the age old question all of us are dying to ask. And the answer, straight from the mouths of babes?

Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka-Text Advice

Archaic ideas about dating are absolutely useless. And the older we get, the more we stop caring about what other people think of us. Trust your gut and your instincts! And listen to that adorable little girl!

And never forget, no matter what:

Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka-Texting Advice

 

Yes! Never forget you are a good lady who deserves the best.

Editor’s Note: This was posted by a contributor who wishes to remain anonymous. 

A couple of weeks ago, hackers broke into the dating website Ashley Madison and stole the profiles of a bunch of folks looking to have discreet affairs. Then they threatened to release users’ information if the site wasn’t shut down.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is bad stuff. Hackers shouldn’t be hacking. Cheaters shouldn’t be cheating. But as a married mom myself, I’m befuddled by several parts of this story, like how do any of these adults have time to have an affair when I don’t have time to buy the groceries? Or this: The hackers released a couple of profiles several weeks ago where members advertised exotic requests for things like “erotic tickling.”

Erotic tickling? Really?

Which made me think: Profiles on a site like Ashley Madison are —I imagine (because I don’t have a profile) — dreams. They’re fantasies. They’re the great, “If I could have anything, it would be…”

And I think us moms can do a lot better than erotic tickling, as far as fantasies go.

Which made me think, if I could live my dream, my ultimate fantasy, what would it be? So here it is, the Ashley Madison profile I would post if I had time to make one:

UserID: Sexy666

Description: Woman looking for the night of her dreams.

About you: I’m a woman whose body can do amazing things who’s looking for the night of her dreams.

Smoke: Are you kidding? It causes lung cancer.

Drink: Now that’s a different story.

Body Type: Curvy in all the right places.

Interests: yoga, swimming, reading, movies, cooking, baking, eating ice cream, making ice cream, facials, massages, long walks on the beach, short walks on the beach, any visit to a beach, and sunny day picnics. (How often I have a sec to do any of these is a different matter. Message me if you want details.)

Secret Fantasy: I dream of lying in a bed with a down comforter and freshly laundered white sheets and brand new pajamas from a fancy lingerie store that you picked out. I want the lights low with the warm glow that comes from a lamp (no overhead lights please) and you will come in with a platter on which there will be a pyramid of dark chocolate truffles, all for me. You place them on my lap and begin to give me a neck rub as I raise a piece to my lips, savoring every dimension of its creaminess. And finally, dear profile reader, here is the most important part: After you finish rubbing my neck, you will walk out of the room, quietly as you came, because you see, I’m a mom, and my fantasy is quiet and rest, and if you give that to me, you will be my knight in shining armor.

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Maybe a newer version of online dating will be the trick!

I still don’t have the swipe left, swipe right thing down for Tinder. But no need. Just a careful click of the “i“, a quick scroll through some pictures and maybe a minute to actually read the bits of bio provided, is sufficient enough to make me a threat.

Add in a gal pal who is fairly ruthless when it comes to “getting me out there” and I elevate quickly to a triple threat.

So I try to find the fun, the “woo-hoo!” when “It’s a Match!” comes flying up on the screen – basically meaning you both picked each other based on some pictures and tiny, useless information.

Are relationships really based on much more than 140 characters these days? I’m not sure. But this is my life now. Why not embrace it?

Actions

1. Engage a fresh perspective. I’m in Colorado right now and my friends’ niece and nephew are in on the action. They’re 11 and 9, respectively. And they’re totally into finding my Tinder matches.

2. Lower the bar. I stopped thinking about this as a means to actually find a partner or a soul mate. Now, I just think about it as giving out some much needed love every time I click the Tinder heart. So much less stressful and I don’t care if I never hear from the guy again.

3. Find the fun. Honestly, I’ve only tested out Tinder in San Francisco and Denver and most of the people who come up seem to be having a pretty good time, whether hanging out with friends and family, doing some sort of sporting activity, or hugging a dog. It’s fun to see people living life. And you never know…

This post was originally featured on Jody’s blog, Got Ennui?

We all know that Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. The stores are already decorated with red and pink. Classroom lists are going home and, perhaps, you have been scouring Pinterest for adorable Valentines your kids can give their classmates.

If you’re lucky, your significant other has already started planning, too. He’s contemplating which restaurant he’ll call for reservations and deciding which gift will be the perfect one just for you. Or, perhaps, like a lot of men, he isn’t thinking about it at all and on Feb. 13 he will have an “Oh crap!” moment in which he realizes that he forgot about it (again). In a panic, he will get online to order you some flowers and take whatever reservation he can find at any restaurant that might still have an opening.

READ MORE: These Girls Tried Cosmo Flirting Tips On Real Guys And The Result Was Hilarious

My husband would most likely be in that second category. Luckily for him, I am a very cheap Valentine’s ate for five basic reasons:

1.) I cant hold my liquor. Seriously, after one glass of wine, I am already “feeling it.” If I have two glasses, I’ll really be buzzed (and by “buzzed” I mean sleepy). So, a full bottle of the fancy stuff is not required.

2.) I wont be able to stay awake past 9:00pm. Well, I might be awake, but I won’t be very good company. Chances are I was up at that crack of dawn and, by 9:00 pm, I am pretty much brain dead.

READ MORE: A Really Important Question About Dating

3.) Coffee is cheaper than wine. I would actually prefer a cup of coffee (See #2) rather than a second glass of wine (See #1).

4.) I cant go anywhere too fancy because I have nothing to wear. Let’s face it, I don’t get to many cocktail parties these days and I can’t exactly wear jeans or yoga pants to a five star restaurant.

5.) Im perfectly happy with some chocolate and a back rub. Honestly, if the hubby wants to really romance me, all he has to do is put the kids to bed, hand me some chocolate, and rub my back while I sit in my pajamas on the couch watching the latest episode of House Hunters. It would be a bonus if we ordered pizza for dinner so I didn’t have to cook. That’s it. It’s truly that easy!

READ MORE: Jdate Horror Stories And How I Discovered It’s Not The Religion In The Man That Matters

Really, I want my husband to show me in little ways that he loves me EVERY DAY – not just on Feb. 14. It’s great that there’s a day set aside on the calendar for us to express our undying love to our significant others, but I really don’t need or expect any grand gestures. If, however, my husband decides that he needs to jump on the bandwagon, he’s pretty lucky that I’m such an easy date!

Relationships get really interesting during the teen years. And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships (although, those get REALLY interesting) I’m talking about ALL relationships from friends to parents to siblings to teachers.

But the one thing that is consistent about relationships is that they’re typically between two people and rely heavily on communication and interaction – which is not always easy for teens to process at this young(er) age. Watching my daughters struggle with dealing with some people and how they change in an instant, I thought it would be helpful to offer them some tips on dealing with people and relationships – no matter what level it’s on.

1.) Once a liar, always a liar

I don’t care if you are 5, 15, 35 or 65 – if a person lies to you once, they’ll lie to you twice. And then again after that. You know the old saying “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”? This is the reason that was written. We know it’s really, really hard to believe that someone who you love and/or confided in and called your best friend or boy/girl friend could ever lie to you and wouldn’t it be so easy just to forgive them this one time? Sure, but what’s your plan for when they do it again? Will you be strong enough to walk away then?

2.) Cheaters gonna cheat

Along the same lines as lying, but typical more in romantic relationships,  if someone cheats on you and you find out, you better run for the hills and never look back. Because now they’ve lied AND cheated and if you let them back in, the only thing they’re going to do is get better at not getting caught. Someone who doesn’t respect you enough to stay faithful doesn’t deserve your time much less your attention.

READ MORE: 6 Reasons You Shouldn’t Kill Your 12 Year Old

3.) “You can’t tell me who I can be friends with”

I see this a lot with the girls and their friends. It’s this game of “I can be friends with this person but you can’t”. If you are dating someone and there is some reason why they would get upset that you’re friends with someone (another guy for instance.. maybe one you used to date), that’s a bit of a different story. If you have a true relationship and you’re both committed, out of respect for each other this “rule” is okay. But other than that, it’s possessive and not acceptable.

4.) It’s okay to argue

That means you’re both still passionate to care about the relationship. Now what you have to figure out is how to argue, discuss why you’re arguing and – heaven forbid – understand that the other person has a point and may actually be right. This time ;) What you have to watch out for is when arguing starts to be the MAIN thing that you do. If that’s what’s happening, then there is a larger problem there than a one time difference. Another thing to watch for is if the other person won’t listen to your side of the argument. This means they’re only concerned about themselves and that’s not a healthy relationship.

5.) Love does not hurt.

This one should go without saying, but sadly there are so many people who think that abusing someone – either physically or mentally – is acceptable in a relationship. Young girls especially tend to be very insecure and easily manipulated by boys in their lives.  And boys can be as well, but it’s definitely more common in girls. Our kids need to be taught to not hit each other as well as how to get out of an abusive situation and how to ask for help and not fear being judged.

6.) Keeping score is for the football field.

Unless things have become really out of whack with one person doing more than the other, there’s no reason to keep a score on who’s done what, who’s bought what etc. In a relationship you give because you want to and when you start feeling like it’s becoming unbalance, then that’s the time to have a discussion. Plus all adults know that there is ALWAYS $20 floating between two friends.

READ MORE: An Open Letter To Teenagers, Especially The Girls

7.) Don’t lose touch with others.

When you’re in a new relationship – whether it’s a BFF or a new BF – it’s hard to imagine that you will want to spend time with anyone else but you need to. At some point – whether it’s a breakup or a fight –  you’re going to need your family and your friends and if it’s been 6 months since you even picked up the phone to talk to them, they’ll be there for you but that’s just not fair to them. Boy/girlfriends and besties are special but not at the expense on those who’ve been there for you forever.

This post was originally featured on Kristen’s blog, Four Hens And A Rooster.

I grew up thinking I’d marry a Jewish man. My mother and her parents left Poland during the Holocaust and ended up in Israel, while my father’s parents were Orthodox Jews, with my grandfather the clear patriarch of the family. My father had also attended the same Yeshiva my sister’s husband’s father attended. Is it any wonder, I thought I’d follow in those steps?

So here’s my confession: I’m a Jdate veteran from years ago (ok, the 1990s).

I think I became a Jdate aficionado after exhausting the limited supply of able-bodied Jewish men from my local temple.

Now, the stories I could tell you could boil water! Guys in their 30s living in the basement of their parents homes; successful businessmen asking for late night dates (um, sorry, but I don’t go out at 11:00 pm on a Thursday night, just because you think I’m “hot)”. And don’t get me started on the guys who expected me to schlep to Connecticut or meet them at the train for a cup of coffee (thanks, but I’ll pass), or separated married men, or guys who were clearly into shiksas, but had signed up with JDate to please their parents. And of course, there were the always entertaining guys who lied about their height (yeah, if you have to stand on your tippy toes just to look at 5’7 ½ me in the eyes, I don’t think you are 5’10” dude).

Maybe it was because in the 90s and with the influx of dating sites like Jdate and the more secular Match.com, and E-Harmony, it was a smorgasbord of women for men, and they could afford to show bad behavior (for every time I said no to a late night date, whether Jdate or some other site, I’m sure some less confident gal was saying yes). And this was before the book that changed the lives of every self-respecting east coast living gal, The Rules.

READ MORE: Don’t Drink And Text: The Rules

The best was the hapless guy who told me his sexual fantasies right before the appetizers arrived (let’s just say that the oysters weren’t so appealing after he told me what he’d like to do with pearls). He told me he thought I’d be into it because I’m a magazine editor aka a “communicator.”

Back when I was a magazine editor I penned a dating column, and called myself The Dating Diva, the title of which caused my friends to constantly subside into paroxysms of uncontrollable laughter. As a guest on Rolanda, Gordon Elliot, America’s Talking, and other long-gone to that great media green room in the sky morning shows, I had the opportunity to spout advice to women like, “make sure that if you volunteer for a non-profit, get on the party planning committee, so you can meet everyone, and “always end a phone call a bit unexpectedly to leave them wanting more (apologies if I borrowed a little from Seinfeld). I also taught relationship classes at the Learning Annex (years before Ramona of The Housewives of New York took over that niche) with titles guaranteed to pack a room, such as Power Dating, or How to Marry the Man of Your Dreams.

Often, my dates (okay the stalkery ones) would Google me, and that would make for uncomfortable chatting. Him: “are you planning to write or talk about me?” Me: “Um, maybe.” I was no Taylor Swift, but talking about what I did, probably wasn’t my best opening line.

At any rate, because I was the Dating Diva (or despite it) I sure dated a lot. But. Only. Jewish. Men.

Patriarchal Grandpa would say to me: “Why haven’t you met a nice Jewish man, Estelle?”

Me: “I don’t know, Grandpa, I’m looking”

Patriarchal Grandpa: “You need someone tall, because you’re tall, and you also need to learn how to cook. That’s why you haven’t met a nice Jewish man, you don’t cook!”

READ MORE: Shopping For A Mate On Match.com

Maybe it was because of this kind of rhetoric that I was more focused at that time, on the religion of the man I was dating than the man himself. I had to get rid of some strong cultural pressure to take the blinders off my eyes, so that I could see for myself the man behind the religion.

Which brings me to my husband. Who’s not Jewish. And by the time I met him in 2003, that didn’t matter at all.

What’s crucial to me is that he is open to exploring and participating in my cultural rituals (admittedly, he delights in devouring my mom’s Chanukah Latkes). I love seeing his patrician face bedecked by a yarmulke at one of the myriad bat mitzvahs or Shabbat dinners we have gone to throughout our nearly eight-year marriage.

As for Patriarchal Grandpa, shortly before Grandpa passed away, he met my husband, and I think in his own (non-verbal way) he approved.

READ MORE: This Is 30: Tinder Mishaps

Here is a paraphrase of our conversation at the time.

Patriarchal Grandpa: Are you cooking yet?

Me: “No. I don’t cook.”

Patriarchal Grandpa sighs and looks at the guy I’m with

Patriarchal Grandpa: “He’s your boyfriend”

Me: “Yes, Grandpa”

Patriarchal Grandpa: “Not Jewish”? “

Me: “No, Grandpa, he’s not Jewish”

Patriarchal Grandpa: (lifting his eyebrows and nodding)

“He’s tall!”

Grandpa died three weeks later.

Here’s what I’d like to tell Patriarchal Grandpa today:

“I love you Grandpa, but although the man I married (who I’m so glad you met) is not Jewish, he’s smart, kind, successful, a great husband and father…and you know what else.

He can cook!”

How did the man you married or the partner you ended up with differ from who you thought you should choose? Join the convo on Facebook!

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