7:30 am - I get coffee ready…grind beans, find filters, fill water, add vodka etc.
8:30 am - I feed kids and pets (not vodka).
8:45 am - I take my coffee mug out of the cabinet. Read More
Remember that time I told you I have 5 kids? That was completely true. What I didn’t tell you is they’re amazing and crazy and they make me feel amazing, but mostly just crazy.
I didn’t realize just how different kids from the same family could be till I had 5 of them and every single one of them is completely different. Especially my youngest, Eden.
Eden just turned 5 years old, but she has a very old soul. She was born middle aged. After 5 kids she manages to make me feel like a rookie in parenting. Read More
This all took place several weeks ago. It’s just been too painful to discuss. Or even think about, really.
It was the start of a peaceful end to a chaotic week.
Five days earlier, both of my kids got a cold. Then a fever. Then a cough. Then no one slept. So, by the time this day rolled around I was an aspiring sleep-aid commercial.
My one-year old was asleep for an afternoon nap. My two-year old and I had just settled on the couch with a puzzle. Read More
Ladies, let’s talk about online dating real quick.
I’ve been divorced for some time but I just recently got out of a relationship (if you can even call it that) with a man I’d been seeing for over a year and a half. I’m not even remotely close to being emotionally ready to jump back on the dating wagon but last weekend when I found myself child-free and 4 bottles into a 6-pack of hard cider I downloaded a dating app on my iPhone called Tinder where you basically judge people on their physical appearance to determine if you have a connection. Read More
This time around, pregnancy has given me nosebleeds with all that extra blood I’m pumping and a stuffy nose. So, here I am with the constant sniffles but I want to put a sign on my shirt that says “I swear I’m not a cokehead. Just pregnant!”
The only thing I’ve been snorting are Vicks fumes so I can breathe. I even got one of those stick inhalers that I carry around with me so I won’t be as obvious but who am I kidding. I’ll be in the makeup aisle at Target, looking to make sure nobody is around, and I start huffing on my Vicks stick. That doesn’t look strange at all.
Yesterday morning, I had quite the party in my pants but unfortunately, not that kind. Read More