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Elle Davis

All I Wanted Was A Pedicure

Damn, my toenails are looking kind of funky. I need to go to the nail salon. I’ll definitely go this weekend.

Okay, I’ll go no later than next Wednesday.

Well crap, I just can’t seem to take my lazy ass to the nail salon. But I will go no later than the end of next week. Read More

Complaints

I’m convinced that Mother’s Day is a set up. It’s kind of like how Lucy scams Charlie Brown into going for one more punt with the football. Even though she’s pulled the ball away a thousand times before, she convinces him—no, he WANTS to believe—that THIS time things will be different. Putting all reservations aside, he sets his focus on the prize and charges the ball like a Heisman trophy winner, only to be smacked back to reality after Lucy snatches it away yet again, and he falls to the ground. Read More

Complaints

A To-Don’t List

Yesterday, a friend forwarded me the HuffPost “50 Things Every Woman Should Know by 50″ list. It reads like a To Do list for maturity, but I would argue it’s more like a To Don’t list.

At first glance, the items on the list seem reasonable, but by the time I got to “No. 13: Sew,” I wondered if this list had been beamed into the Internet from 1957. Some things on the list are “don’t try this at home” endeavors, some are head scratchers, some contradict each other, some are old-timey-time, some seem more punishment than reward for making it to this landmark age and for some I simply have a Ramones, “I’m Against it” reaction.

Let’s start at “No. 1 Read More

Complaints

Am I a good wife? I like to think so. I take care of the house and kids while my husband works hard at the office. We’re a good team. We work well together. If he needs me to pick up his dry cleaning, I got it. If he wants steak for dinner, I can accommodate that request. If he wants me to do his expense report from his last business trip, I can knock it out in no time. But when he proposes something completely outrageous, sometimes, I have to put my foot down. Read More

Complaints

We Loved to Fly…

Nothing like a Facebook status update to completely get my ire up. It read: “Upgraded to First Class. Yay! Crying baby onboard. Boo!”  Then this: “I am prone to headaches and that baby isn’t going to help.” 

Realllllyyyyy?????  Listen, I can tell you this as a fact: Read More

Complaints

Un-hirable Mom

I’m struggling, ya’ll. (I openly admitted to not being able to pull off ya’ll awhile back, but damn it, I’m no quitter.) Having never finished college, (a story for another day) I have been a stay-at-home parent for 13 years. My youngest little boy went to kindergarten this year and I found myself in a weird place. Puttering around the quiet house, I found myself lost and didn’t easily adjust; I no longer had to Read More