Many moons ago, I had to flash an ID for beer. I’ve now decided that the grocery store should also make it mandatory for shoppers to provide proof of procurement expertise when purchasing certain products. I’ve made this decision based on my own inability to accurately select from the 17,000+ options provided for each product, without thorough study and careful contemplation. Surely if we all had some kind of advanced grocery-getting degrees, the shopping experience would be better for everyone. READ MORE
With Valentine’s Day only a few days away, I can’t help but reminisce about the V-days of yore (ah, yore, such a wonderful time!). I remember when this day evoked all kinds of emotions….mainly fear, fear that the Punky Brewster valentines I was handing out would be met with zero reciprocation.
Now, it’s a day that evokes worry: What will we do? Where will we find a sitter? Can we get a reservation? Why am I even thinking about all this when I know that we won’t leave the house because Dateline is on? READ MORE
So I was shown an article today about the possibility of peach scented girly bits.
Yeah, you read that right.
Oh, and it was developed by dudes.
Because these men are very concerned about women’s urinary tract infections and yeast infections, they have come up with a lovely probiotic that will help clear that shiz right up.
The bonus? Your vagina will smell like a peach. READ MORE
I have a sad story to tell. I don’t know the statistics, but I’m guessing just about every woman with a vagina will suffer from the ailment of which I am about to speak of.
I received a comment from an older woman. Her name is Marcie. She told me about her friend. Her name is Bonnie.
They are both on the other side of menopause. Which means they are dryer than a prune on the equator. READ MORE
Tomorrow, someone will ask me about the recent trip I took to visit my sister and her six-month-old twin boys in Houston, and I will say, “Oh my god, what a nightmare,” and I will proceed to explain in excruciating and somewhat exaggerated detail how I was forced to check my carry-on bag on the first leg of the flight, thus losing critical access to a sweater and a pair of old sneakers, (albeit briefly) and how the airline then lost my luggage (also briefly) upon arrival. I’ll lament how I was without my toiletry bag for most of the evening and compelled to use my sister’s face wash, which upon inspection, contained ingredients that may or may not have had the potential to irritate my skin. READ MORE
My daughter can’t quit you and that’s a big problem for me. You see, ever since you came out, all she wants to do is dress up in princess attire, watch your movie, and talk about Elsa and Anna. My sister even bought her this Anna doll that is motion activated. It comes on whenever anyone is within 96 miles. Our cats set it off nightly and not even locking it inside a trunk is enough to keep it quiet. It’s like a less psychotic but somehow more annoying version of Chucky. On a completely related note, my sister and I are now estranged. READ MORE