Sometimes kids say funny shit. Well most of the time they do actually… because they don’t know how to lie just yet.
They’ll learn soon enough. Here’s some of the best tweets we’ve come across this week featuring our favorite humans… kids.
That’ll send him to bed on time every night!
[Watching prison show]
Son: Why does that guy have “Mom” tattooed on his arm?
Me: That’s the mark they give kids who go to jail for not going to bed on time.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) March 12, 2018
My 4yo son just sneezed 3 times while going to the bathroom.
You know when there’s air in the garden hose? It was like that, but with pee.
— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) March 12, 2018
Should be lucky I’m chauffeuring you in the first place!
*Dropping my son off at school*
Me: Ok! You have arrived safely at your destination!
12: Actually, there were a lot of parts where I thought I wouldn’t be.
Me: GET OUT!
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 21, 2018
Snuck in a few episodes of Breaking Bad while I was asleep eh?
My daughter handed me a list of things she needs at the craft store and I’m a little concerned she’s actually building a meth lab
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 16, 2018
Just like a crazy person.
My toddler just looked me straight in the eyes and whispered “I’m NOT crazy.” Which sounds exactly like something a crazy person would do.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 19, 2018
What do you have to be cranky about?
Me: Are you ready to have the best day ever?
5-year-old: Yes, but I’ll still be a little cranky.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 20, 2018
Sometimes it’s your own parents… smh
Me: When I was your age, do you know what I played with?! Do you? A blade of grass, that’s what.
6: Really? That’s so sa-
My Mom: You had a Nintendo, probably 30 Barbies…
Me: Mom? Don’t ruin this for me.
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 18, 2018
Ask your digital aunties!
Did you ask your Aunties Siri and Alexa?
– Me whenever my son asks a question
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) March 14, 2018