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When you’re a parent, you get lots of advice. And if you know me, you know that I hate unsolicited advice. I hated it when I was single and people told me how to find a husband. I hated it when I was pregnant and people told me how I should take care of myself. I hated it when my kids were small and people told me how to discipline them. Unless I walk up to you and say “Excuse me, random stranger – could you please tell me your thoughts on ____________ ” I really don’t want to hear your advice.
But what if you’re the parent in a unique position? Like having more than 4 kids or having all your kids be of the same sex? When you have daughters – especially THREE daughters, you tend to get a lot of “advice”. People have said some pretty ballsy things to us over the years. Things that when it comes out of their mouths you cock your head to the side and think… “did you REALLY just say that?!” and then shake your head because yes, yes they did.
So here they are in Letterman style and depending on my mood, my responses. Sometimes I even say out loud…
Top 10 Things You Don’t Say to Parents of Daughters
10. How will you afford three weddings? (We’re telling them marriage is overrated and if they still insist, we’ll pay them to elope)
9. How do you deal with all the hormones? (We lock them in their room and let them pull each others hair out)
8. Is your favorite color pink? (No. My favorite color is black and I wear it constantly.)
7. How do you deal with all the cattiness? (We bought a dog.)
6. Aren’t you worried they’ll get pregnant? (The chastity belts help ease my worries)
5. How do you afford all the stuff they use like makeup and hair things? (They don’t eat anymore so we just use grocery money)
4. Your husband needs a shotgun. (He’s got plenty.. makes gift giving easy)
3. Oh man… your poor husband. (He’s in jail from owning all those shotguns)
2. Are you going to go for a boy? (That was Cassie’s job. She failed us as you can see.)
and the number one thing you don’t say to the parents of all girls:
1. Boy, I’d hate to be in your house when it’s “that time of the month”
Yeah… every time I get that last one, it still awes me. Especially when it’s combined with #3. My response to them is usually “Don’t feel sorry for him, feel sorry for me! He leaves.”
Originally posted at Kristen’s blog, Four Hens and a Rooster.