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Aside from the exciting news that you’re expecting, in those first few weeks of pregnancy, there’s one other big benefit to being knocked up—or should I say two big benefits: Your boobs look great. Damn great.
Victoria’s Secret would be lucky to have you, and your husband keeps checking you out like a teenager in heat. Even you can’t help but getting all Joey Tribbiani on yourself and thinking, “How you doin’?” every time you catch a glimpse of the girls.
Sadly, none of this will last long. Now that I’m in the home stretch of my pregnancy, I am lamenting the fact that I didn’t enjoy this stage more. So, my advice to you? Flaunt those Kate Upton curves while you’ve got ’em, because before you know it…
1. They hurt so damn much.
You can’t get felt up properly, and a strong gust of wind can actually bring tears to your eyes. Remember, the mantra here is: Look, don’t touch.
2. Your belly exceeds your newly expanded bra size.
Yes, your boobs are still huge, but they seem significantly less huge when your belly is also massive. Sadly, everything in life is relative, including this.
3. You have to buy new bras.
Anything with decent support isn’t cheap, especially if you’re a weird size to begin with, and you have no idea what your post-baby size will be. (Hint: It will be different than this and different than your pre-pregnancy one. More new bras to come! Awesome.)
4. The underwire becomes your nemesis.
You think an underwire has been uncomfortable before? Hahahahaha. Yeah, no. Mine hurts so much that the spot where it hits the breastbone literally becomes numb. It is seriously like some medieval torture device. Ye olde underwyre! Trust me when I say that taking your bra off at night will never feel as good as it does while you’re pregnant.
5. They start resting on your belly and cause extreme underboob sweat.
This gets worse when your bra is off, or maybe it’s just more noticeable. Either way, you’re definitely sweating profusely (not glistening) through your shirt, and it’s gross.
6. They start leaking…before baby is born.
Well, this is a delightful surprise! At some point, you might start lactating while your baby is still in utero. It might not be a lot—or it might—but either way, now you’re wet and it’s kind of freaky. I’m not there yet, thankfully, but I have the feeling that I might be jinxing myself by writing that.
7. They’re itchy, so you’re scratchy.
Cracked, dry nipples need cocoa butter just as much as your ever-expanding belly. It may be for a different reason, but wow, are they also ridiculously itchy. I’ve found myself wanting to stick my hand down my bra to get a little relief…while walking down the street. I’ve (mostly) restrained myself.