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My husband is a Saint…not because he has plateaued at perfection in the moral department, but because he puts up with me. Once a month I threaten the lives of my closest friends, pack my bags and try to abandon my husband and children, go toe to toe with authority, and gain 55lbs (not literally, I’ll explain…). These threats aren’t actualized but they sure are a reality in my over-imaginative head. I go from fun-loving, invigorated, enduring, kind, and any other nice adjective you wanna add in there, to COMPLETE PSYCHO in literally 24 hours. I blame the wondrous hormones God gave me, as do professionals in the medical field. This monthly nervous break-down is more than just an inconvenience. Some funny folks on the internet have made some acronyms for these issues:
1. Psychotic Mood Shift
2. Puffy Mid-Section
3. People Make me Sick
4. Pimples May Surface
5. Pass My Sweatpants
6. Perpetual Munching Spree
7. Potential Murder Suspect
8. Pack My Sh*t
I wouldn’t mind having PMS once a month…In fact, PMS is a walk in the park compared to the issues I’m workin’ with. My Dearest Flicka friends, I’ve been cursed with PMS’s demonic and rebellious cousin termed PMDD-aka Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
Anyway, I write this not to vent or throw myself a pity-party…although both are common during this time of month…I write as a WARNING to the husbands and friends of monthly psychos like myself, and possibly as a wake-up call should you be suffering from such symptoms. If you know someone who goes from sweet to psycho 1-2 weeks each month and you are beginning to wonder if they have split personalities, worry not, it could be hormonal- and it’s 1000X worse for the PSYCHO who is living it. Allow me to demonstrate.
This is a picture that reflects my attitude and demeanor during most days of the month:
I walk around with a Rosie the Riveter attitude, “We Can Do it Girls!” ecstatic about life. During this time, I have a serious crush on the Husband, patience with small children, I enjoy the presence of family and friends, and am generally motivated and content. Then…suddenly, like a ghetto thug who holds me up by gunpoint and steals my joy, comes the hormonal bitch from within trying to start a fight with me and everyone within close proximity. I race to the local coffee shop when I sense her presence and try to stuff my face with serotonin releasing, anti-oxident/flavanoid rich chocolate and caffeinated beverages in hopes to counter the conflict of this erratic alter-ego, but she’s too strong! Suddenly, the husband texts me to ask to pick up something from the store on the way home…I respond with a crude remark, threat to his manhood, and let him know that I hate him and the horrible life we’ve built together, and that I will be leaving him shortly. I restrain myself from imparting physical damage on cars that seem to be driving too slow (and purposely trying to ruin my day) and finally make it home to my seemingly once peaceful sanctuary. EVERYTHING IS OUT OF CONTROL (my overactive and hormonal imagination reacting/ not reality). My house is an absolute mess, my kids have created anarchy and are on the verge of becoming delinquent adolescent criminals running the local drug ring, and my husband doesn’t love me because he thinks I’m fat and ugly.
I rush to the bathroom to wash my face and retreat into my woman cave, far away from other human beings, but this is the reflection I see in the mirror:
I’m a hot mess…and not hot in a good way. I’m exhausted. It feels like I haven’t slept in days. I slam my bedroom door, put myself to sleep, wake up the 9 days later and life is back to normal; as if it was all just a bad dream. As I re-enter the outside world, those in my life begin to gently remove their egg-shell-walking slippers and I get to work trying to repair all the broken people I left in my path when hormones set in and I tried to run-away… Damn it…
One reading this may be feeling the slightest bit depressed and concerned for my husband and children. Dear readers, fret not: My husband has assured me that I am overly dramatic and that I only go psycho on well deserved occasion…told you he’s a saint.
Anyway, after much research and experience I have found some healthy remedies for such hormonal issues, to help maintain composure and sanity. Feel free to share them with any monthly PSYCHOS you feel could benefit from them:
1. RUNNING- not running away from your husband, children, and friends (although that seems like the thing to do during this time of the month) but, running in general is a great mood booster and leaves you feeling revived and ready to go. If you don’t like to run, any form of vigorous activity will do (with the exception of beating down irritating people). Just get moving! P.s. sex is a great aerobic exercise, good for the goose and the gander ; ]
2. SLEEPING- women of the world, QUIT TRYING TO DO IT ALL. Let your body get the much needed and deserved rest it requires to function properly.
3. READING INSPIRATIONAL STUFF AND WRITING IN A JOURNAL- counter those critical thoughts and fill your mind with goodness. Write reminders about your awesome life and things you are thankful for to re-read when the hormones kick-in. The reminders you write when you are sane will help keep you calm when you get crazy.
4. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, PSYCH MEDS- if it’s a serious issue, talk to your doc ladies. Quit feeling guilty…Life is too damn short to feel out of your mind 24/52 weeks out of each year.
Do you suffer from bad PMS symptoms? What are some of your remedies?