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We all know that you don’t ask any woman if she’s pregnant. Not one who looks pregnant. Not one who acts pregnant. Not one who is pregnant. Not even one in a hospital gown holding a newborn baby.
Likewise, you don’t ask about a woman’s pregnancy, outside of: “How are you feeling today?”
You only bring up a woman’s pregnancy if A. she brings it up or B. her water breaks and she goes into labor at that very second—even then, it’s kind of iffy.
So, if you ever find yourself in a situation like this, don’t be scared. Just don’t ask her why she’s wearing slippers at work. Don’t ask her where she puts those 64 ounces of water she drinks, along with the nine donuts she just ate. Instead, talk about the weather. Show her card tricks. Talk about anything and everything, just don’t say:
So, how much weight have you gained?
Are you dilated?
Are you effaced?
You know how that baby’s coming out right?
Is your husband the father?
Wow. You’re really big.
Should you be eating/drinking that?
You’re not really going to wear that are you?
You look like you’re going to pop.
What do you do if you find yourself headed down this dark and dangerous road?
Open mouth, insert foot.
Or, maybe just don’t open your mouth at all.
Photo courtesy of southeast chiro.