October Excuses, Butter, and Anomic Aphasia

Well, here it is, October 4th. I wanted to send you all October Felicitations and I have…nothing…nada…which is embarrassing.

I wish I could say, “The dog ate it,” or “I left it on the bus,” or “I dropped my computer in the toilet.” Or my personal favorite, used by an old boyfriend in college who shaved his head and told the professor, “I have a brain tumor.”

It’s… inexcusable… so here are my excuses:

I am commuting from Austin, TX for my work and back to LA for my family every 5 or 6 days. This means I am doing a lot of different jobs in two different cities and none of them well!

In Los Angeles, I am MIA for the “Teacher Appreciation Committee,” the middle school “New Parent Welcome Committee,” and field trips. My daughter got “dress coded” for her PE shorts being scandalously short. She grew two inches over the summer and I dropped the ball on getting her new school clothes. (She does look hot though.)

But, I also think I might be suffering from Anomic Aphasia, “A disorder which causes problems with recalling words or names.” (I was so worried about my symptoms I Googled it). The other week I sewed a button on my daughter’s uniform, and as I threw the skirt on her bed I yelled, “ There’s your Dirt! Get it in! And put on the car!” Two days ago as I was leaving for Austin, I kissed both girls at the breakfast table and said, “Goodnight, give me a bite.”

My daughters thought this was funny.

We all laughed and I said, “Oh my poor brain,” which made them hysterical because I actually said, “Oh my poor butter.”

In Austin, I have lost my car at the long-term airport parking and wandered around clicking my key fob hoping for a comforting beep … FOR AN HOUR! I have driven to the wrong shooting location six times. I now have the Assistant Director in my speed dial and consequently she answers my calls by saying, “Where are you?” I keep forgetting to wear underwear to costume fittings. As if publicly changing clothes for an hour isn’t humiliating enough, I now stand there in front of two or three people totally naked. I leave my belongings all over the set, in hair and makeup, in wardrobe, even on the sound truck which means at wrap I spend an extra 20 minutes wandering around saying, “Has anyone seen my…?”

See…it’s embarrassing. Do you feel me?

Bottom line: my working mother juggling act, which at its best was sadly mediocre, just fell to the level of “The Gong Show.”

So, if you happen to see me wandering around an airport parking lot pointing my key fob at the cars – throw me a granola bar and send me good thoughts.

Happy October, Halloween and Fall,