My posts have been few and far between of late and writing this one nearly broke me. I had to walk away. I dug my heels into my fiction reading addiction and kept my nose buried there, refusing to think or write.
I’d been distracted and inattentive for weeks. I’d been remiss. I failed to share my wonderful margarita-filled Mothers Day. I failed to share my daughter’s first ballet recital and my first experience as a dance mom backstage. Worse, I failed to share my son’s one and only high school graduation. Amazing moments and milestones—all certainly worthy of being shared.
My daughter kicked me in the panties one night recently. Let me tell you, my 4 year-old sounded like a 40 year-old and she really let me have it. Immediately after her brief but effective daughter-to-mom lecture, she curled up on top of me, said a sleepy goodnight and quickly drifted off to sleep. And then I cried. She was right. I had let her down and that’s something she’d never before experienced with me. After I finished my cry, and ate not one but two chocolate bars, I was finally inspired to pick up my beloved MacBook Air and write.
Life happens. Sometimes it sneaks up on us and gives a little tap on the shoulder. Sometimes it takes us by surprise because we allow ourselves to practice denial. And then sometimes it actually slaps us across the face.
I had my face slapped by life back in April when I received a letter at our home from my husband’s attorney informing me there would be a divorce. Then I allowed myself to be bullied for the following few months. Not to worry, I’ve since bucked up and reinstated my 2012 new year’s resolution—be fearless.
My blogging endeavors aren’t about motherhood but rather womanhood. And for me, that includes motherhood and so much more. So as I begin to process my thoughts on the present and look forward to the future, I may be writing some posts and articles that do not include mention of my darling children, though they’re always the center of my universe.
Divorce is one of the most difficult life experiences. It’s easy to get caught up in who-can-hurt-the-other-more combat. It’s hard to keep things in proper perspective. And most importantly, when it comes to children of divorcing parents, it’s imperative to always remember to do what’s in their best interest.
If you’re going through a divorce currently, or headed that way, I encourage you to be sure you retain an attorney that is suitable for you as an individual. It’s okay to change attorneys if you’re not comfortable with the one you first hire—your life is worth making that correction. I’ve watched my husband’s attorney fuel his fire and seek every opportunity to create more billable actions. On the other hand, my own attorney is an expert at gently talking me down from the inevitable emotional cliffs so that I can make rational, fair decisions.
When life happens, we must find the best way to move forward and find happiness again. As for me, I will no longer be bullied. I won’t let my kids down. I will find peace. I will remove the chocolate bars from my nightstand. And I will write.