When you’re expecting your first child there are a few things every parenting book and magazine tells you. Good things like how much joy you’ll feel when you first see her precious face and not so good things like how you won’t sleep for months. There are other parenting truths however that are so terrifying that popular parenting books don’t dare mention them for fear that every reasonable adult on earth would immediately line up for voluntary sterilization if they knew and quickly cause the extinction of the human race.

These are truths you’ll only hear about from your closest friends, like how breastfeeding will not only make your boobs sag but get smaller at the same time, and how there’s a good chance you’ll poop on the delivery table. Well consider me your best friend because I’m here to tell you ten truths about raising kids that you probably won’t ever find in any parenting books.

1. The toddler years are way easier than the teen years.

Becomes this
Via  /  Via 

You think that temper tantrum your two year old is throwing is rough? Just wait until she’s thirteen and you can’t throw her over your shoulder and put her in the time out chair anymore.

2. Eventually you will cave.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 11.50.19 AM
Via Flickr Thijs Knaap/ Creative Commons

Remember before you had kids and you were all “My children will never use electronics!” Soon you realize that the iPad equals getting to take a shower, clean the house, or read a book uninterrupted, and all those perfect parenting ideals you once had are out the window.

3. Bribing your children may seem like a shamefully poor parenting technique but it’s not because it works, damn it.

Via http://forgifs.com

I potty trained my kid in three days using M&Ms. Ain’t no shame in my game, yo.

4. Parenting will make you hate your spouse.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 12.14.18 PM
Via Flickr: trawin / Via Creative Commons

Try to take turns changing poopy diapers.

5. You won’t know what that picture they drew you is but you will love it and you will hang it up anyways.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 12.17.05 PM

It’s important to encourage all of your child’s creativity, even if it’s slightly pornographic.

6. You will lower your standards of cleanliness whether you like it or not.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 12.31.04 PM
Via Flickr Elizabeth/Creative Commons

Remember when your house looked like something out of Better Homes and Gardens? Now it looks like Jackson Pollock vomited in your living room.

 7. You will imagine that your kids will be best friends and always get along. They won’t.

Via reactiongifs.me

It would be prudent to get some referee training to get through the first twenty years.

8. Your idea of family fun and their idea of family fun are totally different.


Educational trips are never a good time.

9. They hurt themselves all the time.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 12.27.32 PM
Via Flickr Môsieur J. [version 9.1] /Creative Commons

Parenting tip: Making them wear helmets every waking moment can really cut down on trips to the hospital.

10. You will get surprisingly good at pooping with an audience.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 12.28.59 PM
Via The Stir

However, when you want them to go to bed at night, all of a sudden those little jerks are nowhere to be found. Try calling in a sing songy voice “Ohhhh guys, mommy’s heading to the potty, just a quick poo…” then wait until they all come running and make a quick turn into their bedroom and lock the door. Works every time.

Each of these costume pictures is cuter than the next. Hope you enjoy our Flickster Halloween costume round up! Be sure to hover over each image to read some hilarious captions.

What did your little ones dress up as for Halloween?

Some parents let their children watch just about anything. I know mine did (and a special thanks, Mom and Dad, for allowing me to watch a movie about a hijacked plane the night before I flew). But most don’t want their kids to watch anything too scary…..if for no other reason than to keep them from sleeping in the middle of the parental bed until they’re in high school.

When Halloween comes around, this can be tricky. Unfortunately, there aren’t a ton of scary movies suitable for children, at least not young children. But that’s okay, because we can make our own. Such as:

A Nightmare on Sesame Street: The town runs out of windshield wiper fluid right as Big Bird dramatically ups his bran intake.

Psycho-hos: A child is told that he can’t have a Ho-Ho. He throws a tantrum, complaining about how unfair life is and how he can’t wait to grow up and eat all the junk food he wants. In the sequel (Silence of the Lamb Chops), he is sent to bed without dinner.

Lincoln Log Cabin Fever: Mysterious germs rapidly take over the toy room. In other words, it’s just another day at kindergarten.

Drag Me to Hello Operator: Give me number nine and if you disconnect me, I’ll kick you from behind the ‘fridgerator there was a piece of glass, Miss Susie sat upon it and broke her little ask me no more questions……Basically, the entire movie is that song. Don’t even act like you don’t know the words.

Children of the Common Core: A girl is asked to multiple 12 and 8. She answers with a soliloquy from Hamlet.

Paranormal Activity Mat: A mobile has a mind of its own – it randomly spins whenever the windows are open and there’s a very strong breeze outside.

I Know What You Did Last Summer Break: A child returns to school only to find out that his peers know that he spent all of last summer at Klingon Camp.

Jurassic Parker: A mother drives her children around in an ancient minivan. It’s from the olden days of the 1990s. It’s seriously like so embarrassing.

Featured photo via.

If you’re a new parent this Halloween, here’s some good news: You simply cannot go wrong when picking a Halloween costume for your baby.

Behold, 39 pieces of evidence that tiny humans will look insanely cute, whether they are dressed as pop culture icons, zoo animals or your favorite Disney characters.

This post was originally featured on The Huffington Post

Wishing all of you a happy 4th of July! Enjoy this special 4th-themed picture gallery of awkward family photos. We hope you’re having as much fun today as these lovely, patriotic people are! (And that you’re dressed just as awesome)