There is one thing that moms these days can’t live without. It’s not the changing table, or the bouncer, or even black yoga pants.
And when the stresses of child-rearing and housekeeping cause you to misplace that cup of liquid gold? You become a terrifying, zombie-like creature. Don’t worry– it’s natural.
Yes, the catatonic posture, bewildered expression, and even the tears are all symptoms of a mother who has lost her coffee.
But there’s hope! Pull yourself together, Zombie Mama, because we know where your coffee is.
It’s somewhere on this list.
1. Still by the Keurig/coffee pot. Your cup is sitting exactly where you last saw it…by the brewer. You never even added the cream or sugar, just poured and walked away.
2. By the toy chest. You went in search of that stuffed animal your child hasn’t even seen in 4 months but can’t live without today, and put your cup down to free your hands. After 10 minutes of frantic searching, you found the toy…and forgot about the coffee, completely.
3. The changing table. It happens to the best of us. You were mid-sip when you heard your baby let one rip. You rushed to the changing table before the Pampers exceeded capacity. It’s there, right next to the wipes. (Maaaaybe you should pour this cup out. The health department would not approve.)
4. By the TV. I’m not sure if you were turning on The Vampire Diaries or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but right there next to the remote is your holy grail of happiness. We understand. It’s easy to get distracted by the Hotdog Song.
5. The microwave. You meant to heat it up after it sat an hour or so, but you never pressed start. It’s still there, but the cream looks like a white, congealed hurricane. There’s a 50% chance it’s still safe to drink, but you’ll take those odds. It hasn’t killed you yet.
6. The Bathroom. Let’s not get into details. You obviously weren’t there to brush your teeth if you were chugging a mug of joe. But look no further, your coffee is found! (And if you drink that, we’re losing your number.)
7. Your car. You ran your oldest to daycare and packed your car for the 10 minute trip like you were heading cross country. There, right next to the gear shift, is your missing travel mug. Don’t worry–it’ll heat up in the microwave just fine. (As long as you remember it’s there.)
8. The sink. After the daycare drop off, you came back in and started cleaning up the dirty breakfast dishes. You were on autopilot, and can be forgiven for throwing out a perfectly good cup of coffee. The penalty for your crime? You have to start over with a new cup.
9. Your hand. No, not that one. The other one. It’s been there the whole time.
10. You didn’t make coffee today. You’re thinking of yesterday. Either get some sleep, or stumble your way over to the cabinet, grab a clean mug, and brew a fresh pot. You deserve it.