In Defense Of The Pixie Cut For Moms

I got a pixie cut in the 5th grade and thought I was pretty hot stuff.  I opted out of the rat-tail, and looking back it was a good choice.  Barring one traumatic episode in a Waxie Maxie’s record store, where the cashier addressed me with a ‘Thank you sir’, and a few other incidents where strangers referred to me as ‘little buddy’, I emerged fairly unscathed. I went on to grow out my long luxurious locks (okay, stringy, thin wisps) for the next 20 years.  This was mostly to appease boyfriends who liked long hair (on Alyssa Milano) and somehow didn’t realize that mine was not nearly luxurious enough for even George Costanza to want to run his hands through.  My first husband even teared up when, on impulse, I cut it to a chin-length bob.

When I was in my 30s, and pregnant with my first daughter, I cut my hair really short, and I haven’t looked back since.   Are you are one of the moms who are teetering on the edge of a pixie cut because it looked so cute on Emma Watson, Victoria Bekham, JLaw, and all the girls in that one season of 90210?  Are you hesitating due to circa 1988 images of your BFFs mom with the short hair and frosted tips?  Let me assure you that the pixie cut is no longer the 1980’s mom jeans hair helmet it once was.  These selling points should persuade you:

Reduced Prep Time – What used to be 20-30 minutes of hair drying and styling is reduced to 3 minutes max.  This leaves extra time for all the things you really want to do when you’re hiding in the bathroom in the morning – streaming QVC, reading Us Weekly and hiding from your children.

The Kids Will Like It – Your kids will love your new haircut.  These are people who are used to the snap-on hair of Lego men, or the lone curl of a Care Bear.  Your new hair is still superior to what they are used to dealing with.

Your Husband Will Love It – Hahahahahaha!  — The truth is that he probably won’t, and might even cry before he gives it a chance.  Do it anyway.  I specifically chose my husband for his high pixie-cut-tolerance and it has worked out well.  We can’t all be so lucky, but it can be an acquired taste.

Infants can’t grab onto it – No longer will you feel the clutch of tiny hands using your hair as a mom tether.

It Will Make You Feel Smarter – With all of the brain power spent on remembering things like how many gummy vitamins they ingested today and what the gummy vitamin threshold is for a 3-year-old, there is little time to spend on academics.  The haircut makes you look smarter, regardless of brain cells.  Bonus points for adding glasses.

Improved Master Bath Cleaning – Even on my best day of long hair, the bathroom floor and counter looked like a wombat grooming station after I was done.  Shorter hair means less hair volume to clean up, and that translates into a minimum of 2-3 extra days between bathroom vacuumings.  Liquid Drano can also be bypassed as 2 inch strands don’t have the drain hugging tentacles you find with longer hair.

It’s Easy – It’s basically equivalent to the ponytail for moms.  Added bonus: when your kids bring home the stomach flu from school and pass it on to you, no one has to hold your hair back.  Win-win for the whole family!

It Will Make You Look Like A Badass – It’s a proven fact that the pixie cut restores up to 46% of the edginess that is negated by wearing yoga pants.

Toy Resistant – The pixie cut is very resistant to toy car wheels, motorized fans, and hand-held spinners of any kind.  If these are your child’s weapons of choice, you will be well-protected

Oh!  One last thing.  Statement Earrings Will Look Great With This Haircut – And you kind of have to wear them, because otherwise, people might call you ‘little buddy’ and ‘sir’.

This post was originally featured on Susan’s blog, Pecked To Death By Chickens