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Felicity Huffman

I AM TURNING 50!

Posted by: on December 7th, 2012

Actually I’m already 50. After Dec. 9th I will be entering into my 51st year; therefore my 50th year will already be behind me.

It’s not that interesting; lots of people have done it, it doesn’t take talent, originality or smarts. 60 year olds look back at 50 with longing. To prove that everything is relative, my Mother once cried: “If only I were 75 again!” She was 86.

BUT IT IS FREAKING ME OUT!!!

As I have been obsessing about my birthday and talking to everyone and anyone about it, it occurs to me that the occasion of one’s 50th birthday is not unlike the occasion of having a bird crap on your head. People say:

“Oh but that is really good luck.”

Well… what else are they going to say?

Or in my case: “Oh you’re turning 50, you’re coming into your prime, and it’s just a number.”

Well …what else are they going to say?

Some “up” things about turning 50:
1. I am not 60
2. I can keep talking to my friends when the elevator door closes because I am much harder to embarrass.
3. No one wants me to do nude scenes anymore.
4. I don’t have to put up with shitty boyfriends.
5. My body looks really good for a 50 year old.
6. I now have a built in advantage: “Not bad for 50.”
7. I don’t get evaluated by cute guys and come up short.
8. I have enough money now to buy fancy clothes.
9. I don’t have to debate the bikini question.
10. I don’t have to worry about birth control.
11. My husband is still older than me.
12. I have excellent credit.

Some “down” things about turning 50:
1. I am not 40
2. I am turning into one of those older people who keep talking when the elevator door closes.
3. No one wants me to do nude scenes anymore.
4. Listening to Country Music makes me want a shitty boyfriend.
5. My body looks really good. For a 50 year old!
6. I need a built in advantage: “not bad for 50”
7. I don’t get evaluated by cute guys. AT ALL.
8. Fancy clothes can hide your body but not your age.
9. I don’t have to debate the bikini question.
10. It’s time to worry about a colonoscopy.

I just counted them up and I have two more “up” things than “down” things. So, that’s an “up” thing. Here is what I do love about turning 50. I have had so many years with Bill Macy: What abundance. My close friendships are over 30 years old. Tried and true: What luxury. I had children late in life, so maybe when they leave the house I will be too out of it to be heartbroken. And finally, I have had, in the words of Frank Capra, a wonderful life, if it stopped now (meteor, bad fish, spontaneous combustion) I would leave grateful and fulfilled. But, God willing and the creeks don’t rise; I have another lifetime ahead of me.

Happy Birthday to me.

Felicity Huffman is the youngest of eight children. By the time she came along her mother had run out of family names (there are 2 Jessie’s, 3 Grace’s, 2 Jane’s, 3 Moore’s, and the list continues), so she was called “Flicka”. The name “Felicity” was added as an afterthought because you can’t go around life with a nickname if you don’t have the original name to get the “nick” from. In March of 2012 she launched Whattheflicka.com as a virtual [...] Read More

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