If parenthood has taught us anything, it’s that you don’t know anything at all. You’re thrown out in the deep and left to keep yourself afloat! Um sorry, but this one can barely doggie paddle! The upside? We may be navigating our own parenthood oceans, but we are floundering all the same. At least these tweets make us feel like it!
Rather turn into a pumpkin at 12.
Other moms: Let’s go blow a shit ton of money at the pumpkin patch & take a bunch of family photos!
Me: I’ll pay you $100 to let me stay home.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 20, 2018
Alone time is that you?
Parenthood is weird. One day eating in the bathroom is gross, and the next it’s the only place you can have Oreos in peace.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) September 10, 2018
Let them go!
“If you love someone, set them free.”
*releases my children into the wild (or backyard, whatever)*
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 7, 2018
Two checks please!
My daughter has been asking for more independence lately so this morning I took her out for breakfast and asked for separate checks.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 21, 2018
Priorities, am I right?
I would like to think money won’t change me, but I won $5 on a scratch-off lottery ticket and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 19, 2018
If you like someone breathing 2 inches from your face while throwing a wrench in anything you’re trying to accomplish, parenting might be for you
— Haunted Living for Hot Messes (@HLFHM) October 10, 2018