Doing Something About My Love Life

I need to do something about my love life. Back in June 2012 my long-term relationship went kaput out of nowhere. Combined with leaving my long-term job, my world was rattled. I’ve spent the past several months rebuilding my world as well as starting a new business, but I need to admit that the heart as it relates to romance is not an easy fix. Raise your hands if you agree.

But I’m lucky to have people call me on it—to make me get active and try some different things to shake things up. Earlier this week I had the chance to catch up with Karen, one of my closest friends from college. We didn’t cover nearly enough considering she’d been in Vietnam for almost a month working on her noodle business and juggling that with two small children. But we did talk about relationships, and she had some great advice for me. She suggested seeking a professional matchmaker. The way she explained it, online dating is a very active, anonymous process…while just waiting for something to happen organically is very passive. Working with a pro-MM (matchmaker) is a good grey area—something in the middle which might be something I can get comfortable with. She knows me well. Oddly enough, my mom called just after that and had the same suggestion! Somewhere around 5 years ago I realized that my mom was right about almost everything, and I needed to start listening to her a lot more often than I had been.

I also recently had dinner with an oddball group of women, and one of them told me about a website called The Right Stuff.  ”You should get on it!” one of the women trilled. I looked it up and it looked more legit to me than Match or eHarmony, so I’ll throw that in the mix as well.

I need help with matters of the heart, so I am raising my hand and asking for it.

1. Track down professional matchmakers that seem solid.  I found two in NYC and my sister sent me a list of some others I need to check out. They are all free for women, but you need to get “accepted.” I know, the pressure of getting pre-screened, but I would rather that and then have someone working on my behalf than trawling through ambiguous Match winks and pokes or whatever.

2. Call for reinforcements. I need some serious pictures for this effort. They want a head shot, a full body one and an “active” shot. Somehow all my pictures are active so I need help with the others and flipping around my iPhone just isn’t going to cut it. So I’m rallying my NYCBFF to help me this weekend when I will be at her beach house. I told her I wanted the “photo shoot” to be fun and have a bigger calling than just the pro-MMs and Right Stuff. She answered the call with total enthusiasm and already has time slots figured out for when we’re doing this. My NYCBFF loves executing a project, so I’m glad I put this one in her hands.

3. Randomize it. For me, this means going to all the parties and stuff I get invited to that I may normally skip for one reason or another. Maybe I don’t know the people well enough or maybe I do know them well, but don’t relish the thought of spending time with them, or maybe I’m just tired, but I need to put aside those feelings and get out there.

1. Be open-minded. When trying to expand your world you can’t create your own boundaries.

2. Reach out to your friends for support.  Don’t be shy.  If you can’t be honest with the people who love you, then you may as well give up now.

3. Balance includes everything.  Again, it’s so important to step back and see how all aspects of life and ennui are balancing.  Just because you aren’t thinking about your heart matters, doesn’t mean you don’t have serious matters of the heart.

This post was originally published on Got Ennui?