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My house is a mess; laundry is piled up, no one knows where the iron is, and dinner is never ready by five p.m., if we even have dinner.
I think June Cleaver is what many people expect stay home moms to be like. It’s not like that in my house. My pastimes don’t include needlepoint or arranging tea roses. We never use our dining room; I don’t dress to impress, and the only house help I do have is helpful in giving me more to clean.
For me, staying home is a constant and endless routine of keeping the house clean, dishes done, laundry done. As hard as I try to stay on the up and up, I have days where I slide. Slack. Am indifferent. On those days I’ve:
1. Started the washer and dryer over and over to avoid having to finish laundry.
It’s the ultimate in procrastination. My record is one full week of drying the same load of laundry. If those clothes are dry, I have to fold them and some days I just don’t want to. Eventually, all our laundry does get done. Usually, when the only thing left for anyone in my house to wear is a pair of Rainbow Dash panties and a single Tinkerbell sock. A green one.
2. Hidden in the closet and eaten candy, so I didn’t have to share.
I don’t mind sharing. I share with my kids all the time. But, sometimes I get a box of my favorite pecan buds from See’s Candies. And no one knows but me.
3. Thrown a lap changing pad over pee at two in the morning to avoid changing sheets.
Unless the bed is so wet, with urine, that you can find Moby Dick breaching through the sheets, lap changing pads work pretty nicely at two in the morning.
4. Let my kids wear two different shoes to the store because I didn’t want to find the other one.
Call me lazy. Call me irresponsible. Call me efficient with time. Whatever. The wonderful thing about toddlers is they love to be creative, and no one cares how their shoes look, including them.
5. Used the cat to wipe water spills off the floor.
A gentle nudge and rub with the foot is all it takes. We both get what we want. She gets a pet, and I get to cross something off my list and move on to the next thing.
6. Thrown toys away to avoid putting them away.
Most of these are usually toy parts that belong to other toys that have been missing since the turn of the century. For example, I have no desire to try and find the Polly Pocket, who’s left, yellow rain boot has been haunting my kitchen counter for six months. The last time I saw Polly Pocket was about a year ago in the sandbox. No one in my house seems to be missing her. Why should I?
7. Read through a book at lightning speed just so I could sit downstairs alone for ten extra minutes.
I will purposely choose to not read Horton Hears a Who at bedtime. Daytime, yes. Bedtime, no. It would take me less time to find Moby Dick in my child’s pee-soaked bed than finish either of these books in under a half hour. Because, you know, we look at the pictures too as we read. Sometimes, pictures make a fast story too. Just saying.
I’m sure some out there will say I’m a terrible mom for admitting any of this stuff. I’m also sure that there are a lot of moms out there who have done the same things. So, to all the like-minded moms who have found themselves in a state of simply not caring anymore, these confessions are for you.
So, go throw 60 more minutes on the dryer, grab yourself some candy, and hide in the closet. You’ll need that rest for tonight when the search for the Great White Whale is on.