In the course of trying to write this blog, I have organized my files, cleaned out my daughters’ closet, gone running twice in one day, found myself online signing up for a new cleansing diet (which is supposed to save me from cancer, wrinkles and menopause) and watching a documentary that has been sitting on my desk for a month.
Sup wit dat? Guess?
Well, I’m writing about Mother’s Day and that is a short skip and a jump to… my Mother.
As I write I look down at my hands on the computer; my veins are huge, just like my Mother’s hands. I remember when I was young I would press down on her veins to stop the blood, then release and watch the vein fill up. I thought it was just how her hands were made, but of course, it was because she was older …just as I am now. With every passing year I become more and more like my Mother and that is complicated. I feel the allure and the alarm of being like my Mother. But let me investigate the particulars:
1. My Mother had 8 children and lost her shit on a regular basis.
– I have 2 children and lose my shit almost daily.
2. My Mother had 1 husband and 2 serious boyfriends (not simultaneously).
– I have 1 serious husband, and have had about 5 not so serious boyfriends (I feel the need to defend my low number of boyfriends… but I don’t know how).
3. When my Mother got crazy angry she would rage and break things, sometimes over her children’s heads.
– When I get crazy angry, I have broken blenders, wine glasses, chairs, and remote controls – but never against anyone’s head… yet.
4. When my Mother would dance “shuffle off to Buffalo” she’d laugh so hard she would wet her pants.
– When I dance the theme song of Footloose I could use a Depends.
5. My mother’s favorite place to be was in bed with a cup of tea reading the New York Times.
– My favorite place to be is in bed with a cup of tea reading with my daughters asleep next to me.
6. My Mother dealt with her internal lake of existential despair with religion (she called in Soul Shopping) and by running away.
– I deal with my existential despair by running and by keeping so wildly busy I don’t have time to look inside.
7. My mother kept people around whom she didn’t like, in the hopes that one of them would change.
– I keep people around until I don’t like them, then I run away knowing I will never change.
8. My mother thought she was the center of the universe.
– I am pretty sure I am not the center of the universe, but I wish I were.
9. My Mother’s unspoken rule of law was: If you are not with me you are against me, and if you are against me… watch out!
– My unspoken rule of law is: If you are not with me… I don’t blame you.
10. My Mother loved to laugh and could play and be silly until the day she died.
– One of my favorite things is finding a kindred spirit, playing and laughing so hard I can’t breathe.
So, I am shockingly like my mother. And now that she is gone, my only sane choice is to celebrate the differences and examine the similarities. What else can one do? Whether our mothers live next door, across the continent, or in my case have died, to some extent they will always inhabit us. I love the ways I am like my Mother and I wish she were here with me, for a laugh and a “Shuffle off to Buffalo” on Mother’s Day.
*Editor’s Note: Felicitations is a monthly letter from Felicity Huffman that premieres in our Newsletter before being published on the site. Be sure to sign up for our newsletter for other exclusives, updates, and giveaways from WhatTheFlicka.com.