An Ode to the Potty Training Toddler

My husband and I are currently in the trenches of potty-training our toddler. While she gets the concept, she really just doesn’t give a crap (not in the toilet, anyway). As first time parents, we’ve consulted everyone about what is normal and what is not.

We’ve had friends tell us that they potty-trained their child in one day (we secretly hate those friends) and others who have said it took the better part of a year. All we know is that diapers are an expensive hassle and we’re ready to be done with them.

Still, I can sort of understand where my child’s coming from; I too would like to not have to get up to use the restroom. But since it’s socially unacceptable – thanks a lot, society – we all must be potty-trained at some point.

So, I give you – fellow parents to a peeing and pooping kiddo – an ode to get you through another round of diaper changes.

An Ode to the Potty Training Toddler

As you poop on the floor
we buy more diapers from the store.
And throw your clothes into the hamper –
once again, it’s back to Pampers.

Wipes and dipes – they’re all a pain.
Can’t you just be potty-trained?
For each time we try to wean,
we have to get our carpets cleaned.

It hasn’t worked – our potty plan.
Until it does, no more bran.
Go and sit upon the throne –
you’ve pooped us out of house and home!

We’ve tried to bribe – Coke and Fritos.
M&M’s and crunchy Cheetos.
Dolls and balls and spinning tops.
Drums and gum and lollipops.

What will it take to get you trained?
Giant stalks of sugarcane?
A brand new bike? A Barbie house?
A talking to from Mickey Mouse?

Or this desperate cry – per your dad and mom:
you must make it to the john….
for all your poops and your pee, too.
And then we will decide to keep you

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