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Annabelle Gurwitch

50 Shades with Spanx

Posted by: on November 15th, 2012
Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka? - 50 Shades with Spanx

Ok, I admit it, I didn’t read 5O Shades of Grey. It’s not that I’m a culture snob, I’ve watched my share of Real Housewives and I’ve lost an embarrassing amount of time to googling Honey Boo Boo clips. There was one season I got secretly hooked on Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker. When my husband took our son to a baseball tournament in Cooperstown, I was glad it was only four days, otherwise, I might have been found drooling in front of the television, wearing the same clothes, having not bathed, eaten, and babbling continously about how “the penis does the picking!!” Scary.

But I just didn’t read 50 Shades. I feel like I read it, I mean, it was in the ether and even my sister who is much smarter, busier and better read than me read quickly paged through both books and said it was fun and kinda titillating. Sorry, Lisa, didn’t mean to out you, but never tell me anything don’t you don’t want to be seen in print, you should know that by now.

I just didn’t get to it. There were two reasons. One, I’m not so into that domination/submission fantasy scenario. I know, it’s very popular, but the truth is, I had a boyfriend in my twenties, who wanted to spank me, and honestly, I found it both annoying, silly, and I felt like I should be charging him whatever the going rate for therapy was at the time. We broke up not long after I misunderstood something he requested in bed. He asked me to talk to him. I proceeded to list my schedule for the day. I didn’t know he meant, “talk dirty.” My bad.

On top of that, I have to confess, my mind is mostly occupied with other things right now besides sex. It’s not that I am not so incredibly grateful that I have a husband who finds me sexy, but if you were to see my face in the throes of passion, it might look as though I was a bartender at 4am, who has shaken her last martini for the night. She wants to

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Actress, author, schlepper is most proud of having produced one kid and two books. Fired! has hilarious stories of being canned, including one by Flicka (it's a documentary that you can rent at Netflix), and her new book is on marriage, You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up. The kid came out of her vagina, the books from her head, other stuff she does appears on her website, annabellegurwitch.com. Yes, she used to host Dinner and a Movie that was [...] Read More