Pound for pound kids are the most dangerous people on the planet.
1. Yanking hair.
Once they have a grip you’ll practically need the jaws of life to set your hair free.
2. Delivering head butts.
That’s no accident; it’s a Navy Seal quality takedown.
They did it once and you screamed, so they did it again. It’s kind of twisted when you think about it.
4. Eye jabbing.
They’ve never taken a self-defense course, but have mastered the eye gouge nonetheless.
5. Kicking or punching you in the privates.
They’ve found your weakness and they’re exploiting it.
6. Getting into dangerous situations so that you have to make a running, diving leap to save them.
They know you won’t let them get hurt, so they take extra risks.
7. Smashing your glasses into your face.
And then they laugh and clap their hands.
They don’t consider it a true “win” unless they break the skin.
9. Biting when breastfeeding.
As if regular biting weren’t painful enough, they have to up the ante and do it when you’re at your most vulnerable.
10. Jumping on you when you’re not ready.
This kind of thing is what killed Houdini.
They know you’re afraid to cut their nails and use it to their advantage.
12. Throwing things at you.
In time they’ll learn it’s not cool to hurl a golf ball at your mouth from two feet away, but for now…
13. Kicking you in the face as you sleep.
You may toss and turn in your sleep, but they toss, turn, and attack.
14. Tugging on your earrings.
They’ll tug them right out if you let them. Sadistic, really.
15. Leaving out Lego bricks for you to step on.
They like to play with them, but love the damage they inflict.
16. Hitting you with baseball bats and swords.
I’m pretty sure this is a felony.
17. And the most painful thing of all… being born.
It’s the mother of all baby induced pain.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
This post was originally featured on Buzzfeed.