10 Things Every Guest Should Know BEFORE Visiting Our House

Dear Guest,

We are delighted to host you for dinner tonight! Before you come in, though, there are a few things that you should know. Ten things, actually.

1. I have been cleaning all day. This is as good as it gets. (I know, it’s hard for me to believe, too.)

2. I have not showered today. It was the house or me, and the house won.

3. Please, keep your shoes on. While the kids I worked very hard to pick up ALL of the Legos, there are probably a few blocks of torture around that you may step on.

4. I JUST had the carpet cleaned. Alas, you will probably notice that we already have a few stains… chocolate milk, red Slurpee, and the one that I hope and pray is not poop. So, the pressure’s off! If your kid spills something, don’t sweat it.

5. If you have small children, you should be aware of the following choking hazards that will likely be found:
Lego mini figure heads
Snacks of all kinds (raisins, pretzels, goldfish, you name it)
6. While I do appreciate that you have prepared brussel sprouts for this potluck, my kids probably won’t eat them. Please, don’t be offended.

7. While we have spoken with our children at length about this behavior, one of our kids will probably take his clothes off at some point. If you notice this before us, please let us know so we may rectify “the situation.”

8. You probably already know that we have three boys. As such, our house is filled with constant activity and noise. Feel free to join in on the sword fights, nerf gun battles, couch cushion fort building, etc.

9. We have two little chickens that we love. While I did sweep the patio before your arrival, that is usually the cue for the chickens to poop on it all the more. Kind of like a baby with a clean diaper. (Another reason to keep your shoes on.)

10. You will most likely be using our boys’ bathroom this evening. Try as I might, it always smells like urine. On second thought, why don’t you just use our bathroom instead?

Again, we could not be more excited that you will be joining us tonight. If you keep these things in mind, we should have a great time!

Good luck!
Jennifer Sando

Originally posted at Jennifer’s blog.